A Focus on the Family Malaysia view on the evolving role of parents in navigating teen relationships and online risks.
Q: My 16-year-old daughter has blossomed into a beautiful young lady – and it seems I am not the only one who has noticed. She is getting more and more attention from boys her age, and I suspect it won’t be long before she’ll be dating. As her dad, what is my role in interacting with and vetting any potential suitors?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We strongly advise you to avoid some of the hilarious extremes employed by hyper-protective dads. At the same time, you don’t want to disappear into the shadows when young men start showing up at your doorstep. As a father, you have an important role to play.
One of your chief responsibilities is to protect your daughter, especially when she starts to date. Now that you are approaching that time of life, consider this suggestion: interview the boys who aspire to date your daughter. You heard us right.
Before any dates are scheduled, meet with the boys who are interested in your daughter and ask them some serious questions to determine if they are mature and responsible young men of good character.
Don’t be combative or heavy-handed but do make it clear how you expect them to treat and behave with her. It is not about intimidating the boy but promoting a sense of respect for her.
Another benefit of this exercise is that your daughter will learn how to evaluate potential suitors on her own.
Whether it’s a secondary school boy or her future husband, the goal is for your daughter to understand and expect that she be treated with the respect and dignity she deserves. As with most things in life, education starts right at home.
Q: My eight-year-old son enjoys playing Roblox. My husband and I have tried to manage his playing time but recently, I have been seeing more headlines about how predators target children through online games. Is there anything we can do to protect our son?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Kudos for wanting to take heed to protect your son and manage his gaming activities. Predators are not easily deterred in their efforts to exploit vulnerabilities of the innocent, so you are wise to exercise parental diligence. The following are measures we would recommend:
Be sure that your game system is in a public area of your home where your son’s online interactions can be easily monitored.
Familiarise yourself with and use the parental controls of the gaming system. Set time limits and restrict access to inappropriate games.
Check the game system settings to make sure any online methods of locating your son are turned off.
Teach your son why he must keep personal information private (no sharing of full names, addresses, phone numbers, age, school information and photos).
Set clear boundaries and explain why he should never visit chat rooms or engage strangers in online conversation.
Establish a rule that allows online gaming only with friends that you and your son both know.
Instruct him to tell you if or when friends or any player does anything unsafe or inappropriate that makes him uncomfortable. Assure him that he will not get in trouble and you want to ensure everyone is safe when playing online.
Limit all gaming-related purchases to you and your spouse only.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
