Freespace - Discarding identities

RECENTLY, I revealed that I am a horror buff. This is not just in terms of movies or TV, but also books. There is a lot to be said about horror literature, as evidenced by this little quote I found in Chuck Palahniuk's Damned: "In Hell, it is our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us."
I went to bed that night reflecting on this little nugget of horror philosophy. How true is that, even when we are not in hell. Identities probably are the best thing there is to ground us and yet they can become shackles which do not allow us to move beyond our current state.
Take for example the man who has lost his girlfriend. He might cling on to that identity that he is her boyfriend, notwithstanding that she has moved on with someone else. He yearns for her, he pines for her, if he dissolves into this identity, things might get far worse.
He might begin to harass her, calling her 20 times a day. He might leave messages for her every five minutes. He might sit in his car outside her house and follow her everywhere he goes. He is caught up in that identity of being the boyfriend to that girl. Yet he cannot have her. Is that not hell?
Or how about the worker who was sure he would get promoted? He would start planning his finances, maybe dream of changing his car and then suddenly he might not get promoted. This will fill his work days with bitterness, maybe to the extent of bile rising every time he parks his car to get out. He would see the worker selected instead of him in his or her new workspace everyday. Is this not hell?
Palahniuk's Damned discusses a situation where people of various faiths end up in hell. Believing themselves to be righteous, they cannot understand why they are in hell. Others, such as philanthropists or activists also believe they should not be in hell. Why are they there?
And this is when Palahniuk states, "In Hell, it is our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us." Believing to be a good wife or a compassionate person, a loving parent or a caring sibling, something these labels have an expectation tagged on to them. When someone gets a divorce, have you heard, "I cannot believe how he can do this to me! I was a good wife!" or if one fails to get that promotion, one thinks, "But I was such a hard worker! I stayed back every day! I made coffee for my boss!" These are expectations attached to those identities.
So Palahniuk's quote made me think. If such a hell really does exist, I think I would be disappointed ending up there. But perhaps the time in my little heated cell might cause me to reflect on why I need to be in hell. After all, what else is there to do for all eternity?
Sadly, I do not have the conviction that hell is a place filled with fire-snorting demons, with torture chambers resembling the Spanish Inquisition. However, I do know that I sometimes make my own life hell. And I also know that I am not alone in doing this.
In fact, I think I might be an amateur in such a cause. Some people know how to make their lives such a daily torment that I wonder why they don't just stay home. Everything is bad. Everyone is bad. No job is good. Only things they don't have are good. Everyone earns more money. And all countries in the world are better than the one they live in. It's tough. It's hell.
We can take responsibility of whether we allow our identities to make our days a living hell. The thing is, do we have the courage to be flexible enough to let go of our identities?
Daniel freelances in writing and fitness training, and has a deep passion for health, fitness, sleep and travel.
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