Online perpetrators use manipulative tactic to exert emotional control on vulnerable individuals, creating unhealthy dependence
PETALING JAYA: In an era of online dating and instant messaging, constant attention can feel flattering, even intoxicating.
However, psychologists warn that when affection comes on too fast or intensely, it could signal “love bombing”, which is a manipulative tactic that could quietly turn a relationship toxic.
University of Nottingham Malaysia Institute of Work, Organisation and Wellbeing associate professor Dr Siti Khadijah Zainal Badri said love bombing is “an excessive, rapid and intense form of intimate expression, including flattery and constant praise, designed to exert emotional control”.
While it may appear as genuine affection, its underlying aim is often to influence or manipulate the recipient emotionally.
“Love bombing is particularly difficult to spot in the early stages of a relationship, especially online.
“Common warning signs include rapid emotional escalation, pushy communication, boundary violations and attempts to isolate the individual from their everyday life.”
Online, this often shows up as obsessive texting or a need to stay constantly connected through social media, creating unhealthy emotional dependence.
“The psychological mechanism behind love bombing is rooted in emotional dependency.
“It exploits the human need to be liked, creating a cycle of validation and control that can escalate into emotional manipulation or subtle aggression.”
She warned that in Malaysia’s collectivist culture, excessive control can be mistaken for care, as values of obedience, tolerance and harmony may mask manipulative behaviour.
Young adults, those new to dating apps, or those with limited experience in healthy romantic relationships, are particularly vulnerable.
Societal pressures such as marriage being a marker of personal success, can increase susceptibility, she added.
“Although love and belonging are fundamental human needs, external pressures could distort how individuals perceive relationships,” she explained.
“This creates an environment in which manipulative affection is more likely to succeed, allowing perpetrators to exploit these vulnerabilities for control.”
For those who suspect they are experiencing love bombing, she advised practical steps to safeguard emotional wellbeing.
“Open conversation and conflict management are important.
“Seek support from trusted family members or friends. Discussing patterns of behaviour can help recognise manipulation and enable individuals to break free from unhealthy dependency.”
Siti Khadijah stressed that healthy love should uplift, not drain.
“Healthy love expands emotional horizons, nurtures potential and brings out the best in people.
“Unhealthy love is psychologically exhausting, manipulative, one-sided and focused on fulfilling the other person’s needs at the expense of your own.”
She also said understanding love often begins in childhood.
“Children learn what love looks like by observing intimacy, warmth, understanding and respect in their family.
“These early experiences set the standard for future relationships and help them recognise warning signs of unhealthy dynamics.”
She urged parents to model genuine love and responsibility at home, for the wellbeing of the next generation.
