THIS is a parody of US President Joe Biden and US Secretary of State Antony Blinken on Biden’s UN speech.
Biden told the United Nations (UN) General Assembly recently that he thinks “every day” about the 13 Americans who died in a suicide bombing at Kabul Airport during the botched pullout from Afghanistan – hours before a House committee moved to hold Blinken in contempt for failing to give testimony on the attack.
“Thirteen brave Americans lost their lives, along with hundreds of Afghans, in a suicide bomb. I think of those lost lives – I think of them every day,” Biden, 81, said in what he promised would be his final speech to the UN – stumbling slightly over his script.
What the New York Post did not catch
Biden: So what did you think, Blinky (Blinken) of my UN speech?
Blinken: Absolute home run, Boss. In fact, out of the park. One of the greatest speeches in the UN. We are getting it out in all languages. Voice of America, Radio Free Asia, PBS boys are covering it. Also CNN, NBC and ABC. Starmi (Sir Keir Starmer, UK PM) liked it, so too, Modi (Narendra Modi, India prime minister). It is all over BBC and the Indian media.
Biden: Yeah. But nothing for America in Fox News I’m told by Karine (Karine Jean Pierre, White House press secretary). Those Fox b......s really fight dirty.
Blinken: Not to worry. We have our Fox boys in Post put you on their front page. Did you see it?
Biden: Saw that. Love it. Shows Murdoch (Rupert Murdoch, Fox Media Owner) may be changing his mind on Don the Con (Donald Trump). That should bring Karma (Kamala Harris) a million Rep votes at least. Many more. You know, I could have won in November. They all let me down. Hilary (Hilary Clinton), Bama (Barack Obama), Nancy (Nancy Pelosi)....
They will be sorry if Con Don wins. You know if Jill (Jill Biden, First Lady of the US) had not changed her mind, I would have gone on. And, I would have won.
Blinken: Definitely, Boss. You are the greatest. I hope Karma does not screw up big time.
Biden: Okay, she is younger but she is not smart at all. I really am worried about leaving the country in her hands. Gave her the soft jobs, and you know what, she totally f...ed up. On border security, migrants, Mexicans, black voters, women, young. Lost me so much support.
Can you imagine? She and her office kept complaining that I was giving her difficult, impossible assignments. They kept bitching all the time. Come on!
Blinken: Yes, I heard a lot. Heard that they claimed you were incompetent and half asleep all the time. They were jealous of me making the news, too. Said I was crowding her out of the front page.
Biden: Frankly, just between you and me. Karine can do a better job. That girl has been fighting on the frontline for us every day while Karma has been pussyfooting.
Blinken: Pussyfooting Karma, ha, ha. Good one. You are right. God, I just hope she wins. Trumpi will be giving me a hard time if he wins, you know.
By the way, the House just pushed through US$1.6 billion (RM6.64 trillion) to take down China. That money should be spent on recruiting the best people – you know, US veterans who have been to Beijing and know how to deal with the media to pull Xi (Xi Jinping, President of the People’s Republic of China) down. Will be great if you can put in a good word for me when I leave this office, Boss.
Biden: Don’t worry, Blinky. You have done a helluva job. Even if Con Don wins, there is plenty of moolah to go round for everyone. Don’t like to blow my trumpet but I worked my ass off to get the 25 anti-China bills passed. Record, this one. And this will guarantee that all here will do nicely even if Con Don wins.
Blinken: I know. It is money, media and missiles and we call the shots on all of them.
Biden: Speaking of the three Ms, Zelly (Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Ukraine president) has been pestering me for more money and missiles. A lot more. Greedy really, that clown.The money is not a problem. But he wants more ATACM and a couple of LRHM to target Moscow and Putin.
Blinken: Say no to him, Boss. We can’t afford to push Putin (Vladimir Putin, Russia president) to the edge. There is no way he will not retaliate. That man has been consistent on red lines and we cannot ignore them.
Biden: Yeah. I have to find some way to see that Zelly continues fighting and does not go back empty handed.
But it is not looking good at all for Ukraine. Lost a lot of ground. I don’t know how much longer they can carry on really. New York Times is telling us to cut a deal with Putin and move on. Man, that war doesn’t look good for us. Too many lives lost even if they are not American.
Should have left Crimea with Putin. That’s all he really wanted you know. Now he will get it all the same and we will be left with a huge bill for years to come. Bloody Europeans and Nato’s (North Atlantic Treaty Organisation) fault. I was never crazy about pushing the Russians back.
(Deep pause)
Any way out of this, Blinky? I can’t sleep properly thinking of how I could have made the difference.
Blinken: Sorry, Boss. You know I haven’t been able to give Ukraine much attention because of Gaza. Am going over to Jerusalem again soon. We have to get Nethy (Benjamin Netanyahu, Israeli president) to agree to a truce. He is making the US and all of us Jews look terrible with his endless killing. Practically everyone is calling us war criminals.
Biden: Shit. Don’t forget, us Zionists are even called worse. Someone wrote that Zionism has been etched into my political life and consciousness. He is right, you know. I will never live this down. Still a Zionist, but the 40,000 dead will always be associated with us.
(Deep breath)
This massacre of children and women needs to stop, Blinky. I am a Zionist but not a war criminal. You have to push harder, man.
Blinken: I am but Nethy has gone mad. Look, you and I are soon no longer around to deal with the Palestinians and Gaza. You have to make sure CNN tells the world we tried to bring peace, and that we don’t have bloodied hands.
Biden: Yeah. I have to do it. My final message as president will go into the history books, and I have to look good. Team is working on it.
Blinken: Make sure you mention the great work I did as secretary.
Biden: Definitely, Blinky. Got to go. Jill’s paging for me to take my pills.
Note
Sam Altman, founder and CEO of OpenAI, tops the list of this year’s “50 Most Influential Jews”, published yearly by The Jerusalem Post.
Altman is followed by Netanyahu. At number three is Blinken.
The most significant change in ranking goes to comedian-turned-president Zelensky, who was number one last year but has been dropped from the list completely this year.
Explaining the reasons for Blinken’s high ranking, the paper writes: “As someone who is Jewish and the US Secretary of State, Blinken would make this list no matter what. But one can argue that he is the first openly and proud Jewish US secretary of state in that he always knew he was Jewish, identified as such and has never tried to downplay his Jewishness to stay in favour.
ATACM: The MGM-140 Army Tactical Missile System is a supersonic tactical ballistic missile designed and manufactured by the US defence company Ling-Temco-Vought (LTV), and later Lockheed Martin through acquisitions.
LRHM: The US Long-Range Hypersonic Weapon also known as Dark Eagle with a reported range of 1,725 miles, consists of a ground-launched missile equipped with a hypersonic glide body and associated transport, support and fire control equipment.
Lim Teck Ghee’s Another Take is aimed at demystifying social orthodoxy.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
