Q: My elderly mother is no longer able to live independently and has moved in with my husband and me. We wanted to care for her at home rather than place her in a nursing home but we are unsure if we are prepared for the challenges ahead. Do you have any advice or insights?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Our counsellors often recommend starting by getting in touch with your own feelings as you enter this new phase of family life. You may find yourself cycling through a whirlwind of conflicting emotions – compassion, concern, stress, anxiety, frustration and even anger or resentment. These reactions are entirely natural. Each one is a valid part of the caregiving journey.
Caring for your mum will likely mean taking on more responsibilities, especially if you are also raising children of your own.
In many ways, caring for an ageing loved one can feel like the emotional opposite of parenting. As children grow, parents celebrate the achievement of new and exciting milestones.
In contrast, the milestones in an older person’s life can often feel sobering, sometimes marked by loss and decline. It is natural to feel sadness or grief as you face these changes.
But that is not the whole story. Alongside confusion and inner conflict, there can also be moments of meaning – sharing burdens, deepening relationships and experiencing forgiveness and reconciliation.
There is also a sense of satisfaction in knowing that your service and presence bring reassurance, comfort and coherence into your mother’s fragmented world.
There is a growing range of services and assistive devices available to support you – from transport services and adult day care to wheelchairs and home modifications.
If Focus on the Family Malaysia can support you through counselling, you can schedule an appointment.
Q: My daughter gets straight A’s in every subject except mathematics, where she struggles to keep up. We are finding it difficult to understand why this is happening. Could her challenges in maths be related to a learning difficulty?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Some learning difficulties can affect a child’s ability to understand mathematical concepts, interpret word problems, recognise numerical symbols or work with arithmetic signs.
If your child is significantly struggling with maths, it would be helpful to speak with her teacher about your concerns. They can help determine whether this might be a factor and advise on next steps, including the possibility of a formal evaluation.
If it turns out that the issue isn’t a learning disability but simply a matter of needing additional help, consider finding a tutor or enrolling your daughter in a specialised mathematics programme.
A situation like this can place considerable stress on the whole family, so bringing in outside help can ease the pressure rather than trying to manage all the tutoring on your own.
Meanwhile, bear in mind that mathematics is not everything and not every child will excel in this area.
It is important to affirm your child’s strengths rather than focus solely on her struggles.
Look for ways to highlight what she does well and encourage her to become more deeply engaged in the subjects she truly enjoys.
In mathematics, help her to view assignments as positive challenges rather than frustrating obstacles.
Work closely and cooperatively with her mathematics teacher to support her learning. Praise your child for her effort rather than focusing only on results, and avoid criticising or expressing disappointment when she struggles. Remind her that her self-worth is not defined by grades or achievements. Above all, consistently affirm your unconditional love for her.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
