Focus on the Family Malaysia shares parenting insights on family leadership and positive relationships
Q: I have built a successful career in the corporate world but I have recently recognised that I don’t interact with my wife and children nearly as well as I do my employees. I want to lead my family even better than I do my business, yet I feel stuck. Do you have any advice for taking what I do best and applying that at home?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We applaud your motivation. We would like to draw a parallel for you.
When our organisation’s board of directors meet, we take conversations about our budget, accomplishments and future endeavours seriously.
To make good choices about where we want to go, we have to have an accurate picture of where we have been and where we currently stand.
As parents, it is helpful to think of ourselves as CEOs of our own family business and to chart a course through life with the same diligence. This applies to practical decisions we face each day – we have to pay bills, buy groceries and get the laundry done.
But we also need to be attentive to the larger strategic elements of our family – like the emotional, spiritual and relational aspects of life.
As a starting place, you and your wife ought to have honest conversations with each other about the strengths and weaknesses of your marriage.
If your children are old enough, we recommend you have regular household meetings together.
It is important for each family member to have an opportunity to discuss everything – from chores, homework and curfews to how well relationships within the family are doing. This will allow your children to feel included in matters that impact them and it teaches them to resolve conflict in a healthy manner.
You are still “the boss” but you are involving them in the decision-making process.
Q: How can I help my young daughter develop healthy friendships? I know how easy it can be for children to make the wrong kind of friends or to establish connections with others for the wrong reasons. What can I do to provide some helpful guidance in this area?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Parents play a crucial role in teaching children how to develop and maintain healthy friendships. Often this happens unconsciously but it helps if mum and dad can find ways to be intentional about it.
The first step is to guide your child in the development of strong positive virtues. In other words, you have to begin by helping her become the kind of person who can be a good friend.
By modelling and discussing these virtues, you can protect your daughter from many of the heartaches that result from unwise associations.
Some of the most important qualities you can build into her character include honesty, loyalty, respect, compassion and acceptance.
The second step is to build your child’s confidence. A healthy self-esteem increases the likelihood that she will make wise choices about the connections she forms with others.
You can build her confidence by affirming her strengths and congratulating her when she does something well. Spending time with her on an individual basis communicates the message that you value her as a person and enjoy her company.
You can also enhance the process of meeting new people by involving your child in socially interactive activities, such as sports or music. And you can encourage friendships by hosting parties or inviting her friends over for dinner – say, a different child and their parents over every other week.
Making friends can be a challenge for any of us at any age but it is facilitated by remembering the classic golden rule: “Treat others the way you want them to treat you.”
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
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