TALITHA Tan is a household name, at least for ardent listeners of Malaysian music.
The homegrown singer, songwriter and musician first burst into the music scene with her debut single Okay in 2016, and most recently at the tail end of October, dropped her latest album hi, I like you.
Several days prior to her album release, Tan used her social media accounts on Instagram and Facebook to draw attention to something she felt important to share; bulimia, and her struggle with it.
The post unsurprisingly went viral. Talking to theSun, Tan obliged our request to share more, in the hopes of raising awareness of the issue.
“I never really hid the fact that I was bulimic, but also never really talked about it. If people asked, I’d share. But I never openly told the world about it because I wanted to fix myself first,” Tan explained, as she has never been someone that hides her perspectives.
“I didn’t want to give people the idea of purging, or that it’s okay to purge; I wanted to give a solution to the problem. I also feel a lot of people ‘share’ their ‘problems’ for the sake of attention and fame, and not to help. So, I didn’t want to do that”.
As seen on her social media posts, Tan has consistently been a body positive person, and as she put it in terms of coming out and the related catharsis: “I’ve been really solid with my recovery”.
Shedding further light on her battle with bulimia, Tan doesn’t know when she began purging (the act of self-induced vomiting, usually immediately after binge eating), or what triggered it, though it started when she was around 15 years of age.
However, it most likely had something to do with body shaming, intentional or otherwise, based on our exchange.
“Since I was a kid, people were always commenting on my body never being good enough, (like having) thick thighs, ‘man-looking’ thighs, my mum telling me I’ve got no waist. But, of course, my mum meant no harm, it’s just a typical Asian thing to do, I realised,” the singer explained.
“All that didn’t help when my younger sister got the skinny lean genes. I got into fitness really young, and worked really hard, but could never be happy with my body, and having a sister to constantly remind me that I received the ‘bad’ gene didn’t help,” Tan said, laughing.
The singer then pointed out that being in her industry, there are also many eyes on her, which possibly exacerbated things.
“As much as I’d like to say I ignore what haters have to say, all these little comments like ‘eh dah gemuk’, ‘eh buncit’, they affected me without knowing over time. I come off strong and remind people to ignore these people because they really aren’t worth your pain and suffering.”
Things have begun changing for the singer, however, where despite everything that has been going on in 2020, Tan instead found the strength to turn things around, one step at a time.
“(The pandemic) was what got me exercising at home every day. But without realising, I was exercising excessively and it was getting mentally draining, as I was still afraid to eat, not knowing what’s good for me, and got me purging more,” she said.
Emphasising the notion of seeking help, especially to those going through the same issue, Tan’s search for a solution led her to Jon, a fitness coach, when she had a breakdown in January over not knowing what to do.
With his help, Tan was back at the gym after the initial MCO was lifted. Her return ended a two-year-long absence from exercise.
“I’ve been learning a lot about nutrition from Jonathan Wong, and a lot more from Kit Mah. And knowing what goes into my body and what I’m feeding myself for health has helped me a lot.
“The idea was to make the whole ‘transformation’ sustainable, and to eat for health and not to lose weight,” she said.
“Funny story, and disclaimer: kind of disgusting. On one of those days I felt bad about eating, I freaked out, went to the toilet and purged a little.
“Of course, I can’t exactly choose what I want to puke out, so a piece of chicken came out, and I’m like: ‘No, no, I need the chicken!’.
“So, that stopped me completely because I knew I needed the nutrition. I’ve not had the urge to purge for a month-and-a-half now.”
For those going through the same struggle, Tan reiterated that they should know they are not alone, and though it is easier said than done, they should not let anyone belittle them or their problems.
“Know that you’re beautiful, and never let anyone tell you otherwise. Surround yourself with people who love you, cut out the ones who are constantly putting you down. Those aren’t your friends. I only found mine a year ago, and I’ll forever be grateful to these people.
“(You should) want to be better for yourself, and no one else! It’s all a process. I’m happy to help however I can, I’m no professional, but I’ll happily listen to your problems! Drop me a DM (direct message),” she concluded.
