Q: Should we be concerned about our son’s abusive behaviour? He frequently hits his younger siblings and recently he has also started hurting the dog.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We recommend first considering whether there are any stressors that may be contributing to your son’s behaviour. Is there any tension or dysfunction at home? Conflict between mum and dad? Recent or impending divorce? Trouble at school, bullies in the neighbourhood, a death in the family or some other type of trauma or loss?
Circumstances like these can trigger the angry and aggressive behaviour you are describing. It is essential to deal with the underlying cause first. Once the root issue has been identified and managed, it is easier to deal with the abusive behaviour.
Also consider whether your son’s behaviour may be influenced by what he is seeing or experiencing outside the home. Does he have friends who are cruel to animals or behave aggressively? Has he been exposed to violent media, including television, movies, online content or video games? Are there adults or peers in his life who model abusive or aggressive behaviour? Children learn by imitation and often copy what they see.
If none of these factors seem to apply, try talking to him calmly to understand what may be driving his behaviour. Avoid raising your voice or reacting harshly. Instead, ask open-ended questions, listen patiently and encourage him to express his thoughts and feelings honestly.
We also recommend arranging an appointment with a qualified mental health professional, particularly if his behaviour appears to be persistent or escalating. A psychologist, counsellor or child therapist can assess the underlying issues and help your son develop healthier ways of expressing his emotions and providing guidance.
Q: My wife and I have been married for six years and overall, we have a good marriage. But her impulsive spending habits are a source of constant stress. Every month, we have the same argument when the credit card statement arrives. She cries, apologises and then keeps spending. What should I do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: It has often been said that insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly while expecting different results.
Many of us fall into that pattern from time to time. Based on your description of your marriage, it seems that your current approach is no longer working and a different strategy may be needed.
Money is an emotional subject. People spend and save for many reasons, often driven by needs such as security, comfort, control or validation.
When you and your wife have your monthly confrontation, you are not simply arguing about ringgit and cents. You are also expressing deeper emotions and unmet needs that influence how each of you views money.
Rather than reacting to the credit card bill each month, take a proactive approach. A good place to start is by working together to create a budget you both agree on.
As financial issues involve emotions and relational tension, you may also want to enlist the help of a marriage counsellor.
Financial stress and conflict are consistently cited as major contributors to marital breakdown, so addressing the issue early gives both your finances and your marriage a stronger foundation for the future.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
