SATIRE of US President Joe Biden and US Secretary of State Antony Blinken discussing Blinken’s Jan 16 press conference.
Biden: Hello Blinky. Did you call me? I was having my afternoon nap. You know you shouldn’t be calling at that hour. Don’t do it again, okay!
Blinken: Sorry, Boss. I had a rough time at my press conference just now and wanted to warn you.
Biden: Warn me – about what?
Blinken: Well, there was this journalist
who said that your legacy and mine was one of genocide; that we were compromised by Israel and allowed the Holocaust of our time to take place. One called me a criminal.
I called to warn you that the same may happen when you next meet the press. It’s making headline news. US and international media were there and they are making us look bad.
Biden: Us? I wasn’t involved. Shit. Who were they? How did they get into your briefing room?
Blinken: I got one of them removed, Boss. Security didn’t do a good job of checking. But I am sure it’s (Donald) Trump’s and (Elon) Musk’s work. They arranged for the journalists to get through. Probably paid them, you know.
Biden: Trumpie, again! Will he never leave me alone? Do you know that he is claiming credit for my work on the Gaza truce?
Blinken: Yeah, Boss. Staff showed me that on his X account. Pisses me off too. It’s all our work. I flew umpteen times to Jerusalem. But he and others are saying that he is the architect of peace.
Biden: Too much. Looks like the media is changing sides again. CNN, New York Post, New York Times. Bastards! I reminded MSNBC of my accomplishments, including getting Hamas and Israel to do that ceasefire deal. Get your boys to tell them to run my interview again.
Blinken: Definitely. The ceasefire was our doing. Yours and mine. But the diplomats and officials and even the media are saying that it was Trump’s demand that there would be hell to pay should hostages not be released before his inauguration, which they see as the turning point.
But you know – we could have produced a ceasefire far earlier if we pushed Israel and Net (Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu) harder. Left, right and centre critics are saying that we were too weak, too incompetent or too much in bed with Israel to do so.
Biden: Come on, Blinky. Stop reminding me about Gaza, please.
That’s over and done with. Just focus on me – on us – and what we did to ensure that Palestinians and Arabs were saved. The whole Middle East should be grateful. Make sure the message goes out in the Arab media, all the media.
Blinken: Sorry, Boss. The press really upset me. Okie. Will do.
Biden: Well, I’m also pissed off too. No thanks for telling me. But I’m getting my own back on Trumpie and the Republicans.
Blinken: Whoa!
Biden: Handing him the TikTik, no sorry, I mean TokTik, no its TokTok, hot potato to handle.
Blinken: Brilliant, Boss! Great timing. That’ll put his knickers in a twist.
Biden: I’ve been saying that people tell me that I look like I’m 40 but my mind is 20.
Blinken: I know, Boss.
Biden: You know me, Blinky, revenge is best served cold.
Here’s another secret. I’ve got myself a
Red Book account. Legit Tok Tok refugee. Do you know I once had hundreds of thousands of followers on my Tok. And I will be
screwing Trump and Musk from the Red Book.
Man – I’m looking forward to the day after the inauguration. They are not going to know what hit them.
Blinken: Wow! Not Red Book, Boss. It’s called RedNote (Xiaohongshu, China app). As a tokker there, you will simply hit it out of the park. No one will know. My kids are into TikTok too, you know. But they are also moving to RedNote.
Biden: Yup. Micky (Miguel Cardona, education secretary in the Biden administration) tells me that our young Tikkers are turning to Red Book and starting to make friends adviser China and reading Mao’s Red Book.
Boy, oh boy – the whole bunch of Trumpies – (Mike) Waltz (incoming national security adviser in Trump’s administration), (Marco) Rubio (incoming secretary of state), (Pete) Hegseth (nominated as secretary of defence) – will have their bowels in an uproar trying to handle this hot potato! They will go ballistic.
Here’s something else. I’m going to get even with Nancy (Pelosi) (Democratic House representative from California), Bama (Barack Obama, US 44th president) and others on RedNote. I would have been president again but the b......s put me down. Kamala (Harris) (former US vice president and Democratic nominee for president against Trump) was never gonna win. I could have even won by a landslide. But you know, I had one bad night and they all turned rats – I would have, should have won!
Blinken: Yeah. Definitely, Boss. And I could continue to keep America safe and secure. America is going to regret this.
We’ve left a terrific legacy, which Nancy and other Democrats don’t seem to appreciate. Got Aussies to pay between A$268 billion and $368 billion (RM749 billion and RM1,026 billion) for Aukus American submarines to help our workers and budget. Record weapons money from Nato (North Atlantic Treaty Organisation) and Indo-Pacific to keep our factories humming. And all this for our national security and younger generation. That’s our legacy we can be proud of, and our history books will record, Boss.
Biden: Speaking of security, get me one more chat with Xi (Xi Jinping, president of China). Tell his boys that I can play a role in helping China get back into America’s good books. China shouldn’t trust Trump.
Blinken: Great idea, Boss. Especially since Trump has been crowing that he had a great chat with Xi and promising this and that, and making the world “more peaceful”.
But don’t send Hunter (Hunter Biden, Biden’s Son) to help on this. Haha, Boss – just a joke.
Biden: Not a joke, Blinky. Get me the chat as soon as possible okay? Trump and the Republicans will regret messing with me. I am sure Xi will listen to what I have in mind. You know, he and I are old friends from a long time back.
Lim Teck Ghee’s Another Take is aimed at demystifying social orthodoxy.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
