Many men feel deep responsibility as providers, but a workaholic husband may need gentle understanding to prioritise his family
Q: My husband is a workaholic and spends very little quality time with me or our sons. Whenever I raise my concerns, he reassures me by saying, “Things will be better soon”. How can I approach this situation constructively and what would you suggest?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Many men feel a deep responsibility to provide for their families. But when work becomes all-consuming, that healthy desire can overshadow the emotional and relational needs of a spouse and children.
Your husband likely needs to feel valued not only as a provider but also as a husband, a father and a person. At the same time, most people respond better to understanding than criticism or demands.
Consider setting aside time for an uninterrupted conversation, perhaps over dinner while the children are being cared for. Begin by expressing your appreciation for his hard work and commitment to providing for your family. Then, gently share your concern that work seems to be taking priority over family life. Let him know how much you value his presence and involvement, and ask whether the two of you can look at his schedule together and explore ways to create more time as a family.
Approaching the conversation with love, respect and a desire to work together can make it easier for him to hear your concerns. If, however, he dismisses the issue or is unwilling to address it, seeking guidance from a marriage counsellor may be a helpful next step.
Q: How can I teach my two-year-old to clean up after herself? She often goes into her sisters’ room, makes a mess and refuses to help unless I threaten punishment. Even then, she quickly gets distracted after picking up only a few items. My older daughters complain that they have to tidy up while their little sister does not. How can I encourage age-appropriate responsibility without turning cleanup into a constant battle?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Teaching a toddler to respect boundaries is one of parenting’s biggest challenges. While it is important for your two-year-old to learn to clean up after herself, expecting her to tackle a large mess is likely unrealistic. Part of teaching responsibility is preventing situations that overwhelm her.
Start by limiting her play areas. If she regularly leaves her sisters’ room in disarray, make it off-limits for now. Keep her play to her own room or a shared family space and offer only a few toys at a time. For example, let her choose between blocks or a dollhouse, then help her put one activity away before starting another.
As she grows, so will her ability to take responsibility. The habit of putting away a few toys today lays the foundation for greater responsibility later.
Resist the urge to clean up everything yourself but continue to model what tidying up looks like. The patience and consistency you invest now will pay off in the years ahead.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
