WASHINGTON – A heavily smudged USB drive recovered from a pothole outside a high-end D.C. steakhouse appears to detail a frantic, behind-the-scenes effort by senior administration officials to secure the ultimate validation for President Donald Trump.
Staffer A (SA): So guys, Boss has asked how he is doing for the Nobel prize now that he has given the Norwegians billions in new oil revenue. The woke media have totally ignored that Trump oil windfall for Norway.
Press Secretary (PS): I was thinking to myself that it’s time to follow up again. Last time I remember we left it too little too late. Could and should have done more.
Cabinet Senior Staff (CSA): Come on. No point in going over the past and pointing fingers.
National Security Advisor (NSA): We need to do more. Boss was really pissed off. Kept cursing the committee. I got more than an earful for several days.
SA: Yeah. He wants this badly. Prize announcement comes up in early October. Doesn’t give us much time to work on this.
NSA: I think if he gets (Russian President Vladimir) Putin and (Ukraine President Volodymyr) Zelensky to sign a peace accord, the European opposition will disappear.
PS: Yeah, that’s going to be a huge factor. But we also need the Iranians to come on board.
CSA: I think we should be done on Iran pretty soon from what Boss has indicated to me.
NSA: Definitely. The Norwegians and the rest of the world should realise that our Ops have stopped the Mullahs from starting a nuclear holocaust. We have taken down all enemy assets without any help from our European allies.
SA: I have been working on this line with my boys in the Middle East for the past three months, you know. Not an easy job. Quite successful if you see how the Gulf countries are still with us. But we need the Euro team here to make sure the Norwegians put that issue right up front in their review.
PS: Okay. But I can tell you our bombing of the girls school is definitely going to come up.
SA: Yeah. I find it hard even to explain to my kids. I wish macho man Pete will shut up. He’s such a loose cannon. Sorry everyone!
NSA: I agree. He still thinks he’s on Fox unfortunately. Some of us need to tell him to concentrate on his assets and what he does best – woke military culture.
PS: And the Bible. I hear he thinks he has a shot as the next veep. Or more!
SA: Gawd forbid!
CSA: Come on guys. No trash talking. Let’s have a plan of action.
NSA: Look, we have the files on all in the committee. Vital statistics, financial standing, areas of vulnerability, ideological standing and past record on our Prez.
PS: (Laughing) Don’t forget – girlfriends and boyfriends.
SA: How big a carrot we can dangle through family members has always been a very successful strategy.
PS: Let’s get Scottie (US Treasury Scott Bessent) to say that we are intending to buy millions of barrels of Norwegian salmon with no tariffs.
Chuckles all round.
SA: Hey, what about promising to rename a national park after a Viking hero.
More chuckles.
NSA: Yup. Definitely need pursuit to get leverage. I remember the case of Katarina (Frostenson) – forget her name – Academy committee member and her husband (Jean-Claude) Arnault not so long ago.
CSA: What was that about?
PS: That was a big scandal that made headlines. Allegations of sexual abuse and rape taking place on Academy properties. Euro papers tried to cover up.
SA: Okay, I remember now. There was talk about corruption and insider trading. Deals being made. I think the particular award in literature was cancelled for that year.
CSA: Definitely worse than our Epstein case really. But our media is all screwed up with trying to kill Trump. That’s why he needs the prize to be in better shape for November.
PS: We are trying our best but sometimes it gets too wild here. Hope none of our leading guys are caught monkeying around in the White House grounds. That would be a killer story.
CSA: Alright. What’s the action plan for now?
NSA: Send potential voting outcomes to us asap and identify key people influencing it. Inside and outside the committee.
PS: Prep the Norwegian and European media on Trump’s peace work. Their military needs our equipment. We can make a deal – and make sure this is covered by their media boys, not ours.
SA: Work on the think-tanks and other influencers to message how Trump is making the world peaceful and safe, contrary to what NYT (New York Times) is saying. Get back to me in a week.
PS: I really like what we are doing. You know, we are killing two birds – maybe more. Boss ratings have been down and the party will need him to win the prize – one way or another, ahead of November.
SA: Yup. Meanwhile, I have been busy thinking of how we can score more points from the Beijing visit. Here’s one idea. Xi (Chinese President Xi Jinping) stated that Boss and he are key in global peace and security. Can we use this to shape the award narrative and nomination process? Perhaps, a “tripolar peace for a bipolar committee”?
CSA: Good one. Let me check this out. Donald and Xi are meeting again soon and this can be headlines all over again – Trump as the global peace leader. Am sure he’ll love this.
Lim Teck Ghee’s Another Take is aimed at demystifying social orthodoxy. Comments: [email protected]
