As Hari Raya approaches, conversations emerge on respecting children’s autonomy while maintaining cultural traditions and values.
AS Hari Raya approaches, a familiar scene plays out in many Malaysian households — children being encouraged, and sometimes pressured, to greet elders with a handshake, ‘salam’ or a kiss.
While such gestures have long been seen as a sign of respect, a growing number of parents are now questioning whether these expectations come at the expense of a child’s comfort and personal boundaries.
A local paediatrician has recently urged parents and family members to be more mindful of children’s body language and autonomy during the Hari Raya festivities, particularly when it comes to interacting with others.
In today’s context, many from the older generation worry that children are not showing respect when greeting elders. However, the younger generation is increasingly calling for children’s bodily autonomy to be respected, especially in such situations.
“This happens in so many Malaysian homes every Raya: ‘Greet your grandfather first’, ‘Kiss their hand’.
“When a child refuses, the mother is told she did not teach her child any manners, that her child is spoilt. They say the current generation behaves this way,” the paediatrician said in her Threads post.
She asserted that a child refusing to kiss or hug someone is not being rude, but rather setting personal boundaries.
While acknowledging that greeting elders is deeply ingrained in Malaysian culture, especially during festive occasions, she emphasised that teaching respect does not have to come at the expense of a child’s comfort.
“Giving salam can be a wave. Respect can be shown through eye contact and a smile,” she added.
The paediatrician also stressed that the issue of bodily autonomy extends beyond Hari Raya and applies to everyday interactions.
“Here’s what research tells us: children who are taught that they must comply with physical affection regardless of how they feel may struggle to say no in other situations as well.
“We are not just talking about Raya. We are talking about the foundation of how they understand boundaries for the rest of their lives.”
She further highlighted that parents should demonstrate to their children that their voices matter.
“Their comfort matters. Their body is their own. Teach that, and you are not raising a rude child—you are raising a child who knows their worth,” she said.
Netizens largely agreed with the paediatrician’s message, believing that children should be supported when setting boundaries during the festive season.
“Yes! This is exactly how I teach my kids: your body, your choice. Growing up, I hated it when people I didn’t know well or wasn’t close to would hug and kiss me. I felt uncomfortable, uneasy, and sometimes even like crying. I don’t want my children to feel the way I did when I was young,” a user said.
“If you ask me, children’s safety comes before manners. I strongly believe that if kids want boundaries, they should never be forced to cross them. I hope more parents understand this so they don’t remain unaware. We keep hearing about all kinds of abuse happening to children nowadays—this is a precaution that must be taken,” said another.
