‘Building trust, spouse support help create healthy communication within blended family, greatly reduces misunderstandings and emotional pressure’
PETALING JAYA: Not all Mother’s Day stories come wrapped in tradition, some are still being written slowly in blended families, where stepmothers are learning that love sometimes starts with patience, not perfection.
For Rozita Abidin, 52, her journey as a stepmother began with fear and curiosity, as she stepped into an unfamiliar family dynamic while learning to understand her role within a blended household.
“I knew I was not part of the children’s lives from the beginning, so I had to learn to understand my place within this family.
“In the beginning, I tried not to force the relationship too much. I spent more time observing, listening, and learning what they were comfortable with,” she said.
Rozita believes many people misunderstand stepmothers by expecting them to immediately become a “mother” in the same way as a relationship that has been built since childhood.
She said in reality, these relationships take time, and love in a blended family often grows slowly through small but consistent moments.
“I built trust with my stepchildren through simple things. For example, being present when they needed someone, listening without judgement, respecting their space, and not trying to replace their biological mother.
“I believe sincere relationships cannot be forced.” Rozita said there were several small moments that meant a great deal to her, including when her stepchildren began sharing stories about college, asking for her opinion, or calling her spontaneously when they needed help.
To others, she said, these moments may seem small, but to her they were clear signs that they were starting to accept her presence.
“The support of my spouse was also very important throughout this process.
“When your partner offers understanding, avoids comparisons and helps build healthy communication within the family, it greatly reduces misunderstandings and emotional pressure.”
Rozita emphasised that in taking care of her emotions, she learned not to set overly high expectations too quickly, and instead allowed herself time to rest, seek support from trusted people and remember that relationships take time to grow.
“This experience has taught me a lot about patience, empathy and sincerity. I learned that love is not only about blood ties, but also about the effort to continue showing up and caring, even when things are not always easy.”
Meanwhile, for Intan Marliana Mohd Saidi, 35, her journey into stepmotherhood began with careful preparation and awareness of the emotional adjustments required.
Before becoming a stepmother, I had already thought carefully about what it would take to win the hearts of my stepchildren and my husband’s family.
“I knew it would not be easy, so I tried to approach things calmly and avoid making the situation awkward. Alhamdulillah, over time, I managed to build a bond with them even though I already have my own child.”
Intan acknowledged that negative judgements are still present, but said she remained focused on proving her role through actions rather than assumptions.
“I had to stay strong and overcome negative judgements to prove that I am capable of looking after the family well.”
Describing her approach to building trust, Intan said she prioritised natural interaction rather than forcing closeness.
“I spent time with them whenever possible, asked about their school life and joined activities that could help strengthen our bond as a family.”
She also recalled small but meaningful moments that signalled growing acceptance, including family trips and everyday shared experiences.
“My husband plays a key role in helping explain situations to the children and building understanding. Good communication helps avoid misunderstandings.
“Harmony is built slowly through small, consistent efforts.” Intan added that harmony in blended families requires time, space and emotional understanding among all members. Her advice to other stepmothers is to focus on gradual trust-building.
