Q: My wife and I are trying to help our children explore their natural talents in sports, music and other areas. However, each time we introduce something new, the children seem to dislike it. We are running out of ideas. What can we do to encourage them?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Start by asking yourself: “Who is more interested in this activity – my child or me?”
Let us share a story of a father as an example. Jim signed up his five-year-old son Trent for badminton. Jim was very excited, and when the big day came, the coach allowed father and son to play together on the court. It was the moment he had been waiting for – father and son bonding over badminton.
However, after thirty minutes without much action, Jim leaned down and asked his son: “Are you having fun?” Trent replied: “Not really, Dad.” Jim could see that his son’s heart was not in the game. So, he asked: “Would you rather have ice cream instead?” “Yes, let’s do that,” Trent said. And with that, Trent’s badminton career came to an end.
Fast forward a few years, Trent, who did not care much for badminton, could not wait to tell his father that he had won the chess club tournament.
He found a form of competition that appealed to his interests and talents, and his father learned a valuable lesson. There may be no cheering from the sidelines in chess but his father can be proud watching his son apply his talents and intellect to something he loves and excels at.
Parents want their children to try different activities, have fun and explore their natural talents. However, it is all too easy to steer them toward activities that the parents enjoy or find fulfilling rather than the ones their children prefer.
Parents need to constantly observe their children and watch for what excites them, even if it is something the parents are not interested in themselves. And if in doubt, ask them.
Q: I have heard many relationship experts emphasise the importance of “listening to your spouse”. I make an effort to listen even when I am tempted to respond. However, we still struggle with communication. What is the key to improving our dialogue?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: For many people, “listening to your spouse” often means simply not interrupting when they are speaking. While that is a good start, active listening involves much more. Here are a couple of suggestions.
Firstly, stay focused. Avoid letting your thoughts wander while your spouse is talking. It is not the time to plan your response – something we all struggle with.
Show respect by truly listening to the meaning behind your spouse’s words. Do not just hear the words, try to understand the intent. If you are unsure, wait until your spouse has finished and then ask for clarification.
Secondly, use body language to show that you are engaged in what your spouse is saying. Non-verbal communication is just as important to effective dialogue as the words you use – and many studies indicate that it is even more important. Maintain good eye contact and let your posture show you are open and attentive.
Finally, learn the unique ways your spouse communicates. If your spouse likes feedback, try repeating the comments to confirm that you are listening.
Conversely, if your spouse prefers you to listen quietly, nodding occasionally can demonstrate that you are attentive and engaged.
Active listening involves more than just refraining from interrupting your spouse. It demonstrates respect by showing that you value your spouse’s thoughts, feelings and words. This essential practice not only helps resolve problems but also deepens intimacy between you as a couple.
This article was contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
