EAVESDROPPING on the most recent chat involving US President Joe Biden, US Secretary of State Antony Blinken and Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.
Biden: Damnit Netan! I warned you – don’t drop our American bombs in Rafah. Why, man? On tents with kids and women....
No response.
Blinken: To Biden – remember to call him “Bibi” and not “Netan”.
Hello, Bibi. Blinken here with Joe. Can you hear us? The latest bombing is making us look bad. My boys say that even our media cannot avoid running the story.
Netanyahu: Yes, yes, I’m here. Look. All is fine. Don’t panic. We have always used your bombs. Everybody knows that.
I have said that it was a mistake and that we will do a full investigation. Small thing. Blinky, tell your media that we killed several militants hiding in the tents. We have every right to defend ourselves when Hamas uses women and children to fight.
Biden: Dammit. For now until later, please stop using our bombs in Rafah. I’m right in the middle of my campaign and I cannot afford to lose any more votes over Gaza.
Blinken: I told Gallant (Israeli Defence Minister Yoav Gallant) earlier, you can use the heavy stuff given by the Brits, French, Germans or any other but don’t use our stuff indiscriminately.
The Brits and others want to look good standing with you against Hamas and the Muslims. They are shit-scared of the Islamics. It is perfectly okay to use their bombs, rockets and other stuff on Hamas or whoever. Nobody in Europe bothers, most will support. They are all focused on Putin (Russian President Vladimir Putin).
Biden: Listen, we have the college kids giving us a hard time, and we also need to look better with the Saudis, Egypt and others. This kind of mistake is playing into Iran’s hands. So, go easy and tell your IDF (Israel Defence Forces) and air force not to be so trigger-happy, and to avoid any more mistakes.
Netanyahu: Come on, surely you can deal with college kids. Just kick them where it hurts. They will run back to their mummies. It’s all collateral damage only. Remember, you guys invented that term. No need to lecture me. How many collateral casualties were there in your wars? Ours are tiny, miniscule compared with yours. Only 40,000 dead.
Look. I have bigger issues to deal with. The campaign against me by the hostage trouble-making families and pro-Hamas peace shitheads has gone on too long. I need to show Lapid (Israel Opposition Leader Yair Lapid) and Benny (National Unity Minister Benny Gantz) that there is no way they can bring me down. I, and only I, can lead Israel to victory.
Biden: We are not lecturing you. Please don’t get offended. Hey, we are standing by you, Netan. All the way. Our support for you is ironclad.
Blinken: Yes. Boss just recently told the ICC (International Criminal Court) off for the arrest warrant on you. If you do a Google search, you will find that all the world media carried Joe’s statement that what has happened in Gaza is not genocide. Every media, everyone headlined the Boss’ defence of you. CNN, BBC, NYT (New York Times), Washington Post, Reuters, Fox, Al Jazeera, ABC, Politico....
You name it. All of them share our view that there is no genocide taking place in Gaza or Rafah.
There is no way the ICC can touch you. We guarantee you that we will also take care of Karim (ICC prosecutor Karim Khan) and Bensouda (former ICC prosecutor Fatou Bensouda), and make sure they regret their action against you.
Netanyahu: Yes, okay. I know, Joe. You are my good friend, so call me Bibi. You pull the strings on your side and we will make sure ours will help you in November. In fact, our people are already working hard to make sure you win.
Don’t forget I was the first person to congratulate you when you won. That pissed Trump. The schmuck cannot be trusted. Can you imagine, he used the F... word on me. I will never forget it.
Biden: Thanks again, Bibi. Yeah, he is a really bad guy. I will cut him down to size but you have to help a lot more this time. We need plenty of moolah for the campaign. If I lose, you will have to deal with him.
Blinken: I will make sure the money is properly handled, Bibi.
It’s touch and go, but the money can make the difference. Americans will vote for Biden if we can get more negative news out on Trump. And let me remind you that everyone knows that Trump wants to cut a deal on Palestine if he wins.
This means that you have to keep the war against Hamas going until election day, at the least.
Netanyahu: No problem on the money, my friend. I promise you I will keep the battle against Hamas and in Gaza going for much longer than anyone expects. You just have to keep sending us the war stuff.
For now, though, you need to help me first in dealing with the Euros.
Bloody Norwegians, Spanish and Irish cannot be trusted. How dare they recognise Palestine. I thought you would keep them on our side.
I’ve told Katz (Israeli Foreign Minister Israel Katz) to screw Sanchez (Spanish Prime Minister Pedro Sanchez) on this. Unbelievable that Spain is encouraging the genocide against us. Ireland and Norway, I can understand. Their public has always been anti-Jew.
I know that the Spanish have always been against us throughout history, but we never expected them to stoop so low to bring the other two against us. I am giving a warning to Sanchez and the other two. We will fight to the end and finish off Hamas. However long it takes and whatever is needed. Total victory is my promise to my people.
Blinken: Just received this message that Katz has been on X to say that Sanchez’s government is “complicit in inciting genocide against Jews and war crimes”. We will play this up, Bibi. We will make the world realise the G-word is one that we have full control over – not the ICC, not the UN, not the rest of the world.
Biden: I have to go now to prep for my debate against Trump. Don’t forget to get the moolah to us quickly, Bibi.
Blinken: Good to chat again, Bibi. We will make sure Biden has nice things to say about you and Israel on the 27th.
Netanyahu: Okay. My boys will tune in to give full support to you.
NOTE: With Norway, Spain and Ireland recognising Palestine, there are now 146 countries in the UN General Assembly that recognise Palestine as an independent state. As said by Sanchez, the decision of the three European countries is “the only way of advancing towards what everyone recognises as the only possible solution to achieve a peaceful future, one of a Palestinian state that lives side-by-side with the Israeli state in peace and security”.
Lim Teck Ghee’s Another Take is aimed at demystifying social orthodoxy. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
