Q: I am a single mum with three young children, working full-time and taking online university courses. Juggling all of these responsibilities on my own is becoming increasingly challenging. While my past relationships have not been ideal, the thought of having a supportive partner to share the load is starting to seem more appealing. Do you have any advice?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: It is natural for a woman in your situation to desire a partner who can share in your life and help lighten the burden of raising three children.
You clearly have a lot on your plate, and it is understandable to consider how a supportive husband could make a positive difference. Additionally, research shows that children tend to thrive in a two-parent household.
However, it is important to approach entering a relationship with caution, especially when the motivation is primarily based on need. As you likely know, marriage is more than just a practical partnership.
A spouse is not just a provider, housekeeper, babysitter or co-parent – they are a partner in every sense.
We strongly recommend seeking counselling and reflecting on your past relationships. This self-examination will help you avoid repeating unhealthy patterns.
Additionally, taking the time to work on personal growth and healing is essential, so you will be ready when the right person comes along.
Remember, success in marriage is just as much about being the right person as it is about finding the right person.
Meanwhile, try building friendships with other mums. Work on building connections with caring women in your neighbourhood and community.
Do not hesitate to ask a relative for help or consider hiring a part-time babysitter to give yourself a much-needed break. Having some breathing room will allow you to recharge and better prepare yourself for the future.
Q: How can I help my child deal with his overwhelming fear of insects? He has always been scared of bugs, but after being bitten by something during outdoor playtime at preschool, he now becomes hysterical every time the class is about to go outside.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Your child’s panicked reaction may stem from his personality, age or lack of understanding.
Children’s fears can be due to inexperience. They may become overly fearful because they do not have complete or accurate knowledge about what scares them, which can lead to generalisations (for example, “all bugs bite”).
Children who are naturally more anxious or tend to be on “high alert” may need extra support in learning how to handle fear, adversity and difficult situations.
A practical approach could be to turn overcoming your son’s fear into a fun project. Visit the library together and pick out books about bugs. Learn their names and discuss the important roles they play in the environment.
Start with harmless insects like ladybugs and caterpillars, and perhaps draw pictures of bugs together. You could also buy some toy plastic bugs for him to play with.
From there, gently introduce him to “safe” bugs, letting him hold them to show they are not threatening. Some children even enjoy giving ants rides on their toy trains.
The goal is to take something that causes fear and make it familiar and enjoyable.
All of this requires patience and a genuine connection with your child. Over time, it is likely that your son will come to understand that most bugs are harmless.
However, if the fear persists after a few months or seems to worsen, it may be a good idea to schedule an evaluation with a licensed clinical professional.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
