Q: Do you think it is a good idea for our son to wait a year after completing secondary school before enrolling at a university? He is quite responsible and has specific plans for his studies and future but he wants some time off. We are concerned about him losing momentum. How should we approach this?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: It sounds like you have done a wonderful job in raising your son. From what you’ve shared, he seems like a responsible, intelligent and goal-oriented young man.
Given his maturity and clear sense of direction, there is no reason to be concerned about his desire to take a year off before university.
In fact, there are a number of constructive ways he can use the time off. He can work to contribute towards his tuition fee, travel to broaden his perspective, volunteer for community service or take time to reflect and ponder his goals, and determine what he wants to study in university.
These experiences can be formative and often lead to greater motivation when students return to their studies with renewed focus.
As for the fear of “losing momentum”, chances are he will have the motivation and drive to study after a year-long break, especially when he realises the value of a degree in reaching his goals.
So, looking at your son’s track record up to this point, you need not be too concerned about his plans to take a year off. Many successful people in the world have taken non-traditional paths.
With your continued love, support and guidance, he will be well-equipped to make the most of his future.
Q: I recently got married and my husband and I are already feeling a little overwhelmed. In just a few short weeks, life together isn’t quite measuring up to what we anticipated. Is this normal? We want to make this relationship work.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Being newly married can feel overwhelming. No matter how strong your relationship with your spouse is, the lofty expectations you had before marriage rarely match the reality once the honeymoon fades.
Take Jean and her husband, for example. They had a rough time early in their marriage. Her husband came from a broken home with no male role models, and Jean was dealing with depression. If not for counselling, support and help from friends, their relationship may have withered on the vine.
That is why young couples need to have “marriage mentors” in their lives. These can be older couples with years of experience and have weathered ups and downs throughout their marriage. They can offer wise counsel to young couples who may be feeling uncertain.
Some newlyweds come from stable families and may turn to their parents for guidance. However, mums and dads don’t always have the objectivity to offer unbiased advice.
According to Drs Les and Leslie Parrott, a marriage mentor cannot be parents or close friends. They are not available for every crisis and don’t have perfect marriages themselves. They are only trusted “acquaintances” who can model a healthy relationship and offer insights when needed.
As a newly married couple, consider seeking out a couple a few steps ahead of you in life. And to the “old pros” reading this – think about sharing your joys and challenges of a lifelong commitment with younger couples. You just may learn something in the process.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
