Q: I feel overlooked and unappreciated in my job, especially when surrounded by colleagues with more talent, skills or education who seem to receive all the attention. This is discouraging. How can I maintain a positive attitude?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Do not underestimate your value; your role may be more important than you realise. Consider this analogy. It is fascinating to watch an orchestra in action. You will see a range of musical instruments being played by musicians who have worked hard to develop their skills.
When master conductor Leonard Bernstein was asked which was the hardest instrument to play, his answer was “second fiddle”. He went on to say: “I can get plenty of first violinists, but to find someone who plays second violin with as much enthusiasm – that is a problem. Yet, if we have no second fiddle, we have no harmony.”
Bernstein’s point is that in this
me-first, “personal brand” world filled with people posting promotional selfies, few are interested in playing second fiddle. This has even become a derogatory term for people who work hard behind the scenes but receive
little credit.
Yet, a supporting role is nothing to look down on. The richness and fullness of music come from the harmonies provided by the entire orchestra.
Anybody who truly understands how thriving organisations function will tell you that success can only be achieved when everyone involved makes results the goal instead of recognition.
Maybe you feel insignificant because people around you seem to be more in the forefront, but we encourage you to see yourself in a different light.
You bring something to your circle of influence that no one else can – your uniquely created blend of skills, personality and experience – and something important would be missing without you.
We hope you will find a fulfilling
spot at this job or perhaps a different one, where your value is appreciated and communicated to you and everyone else.
Q: What do my children need from me? My wife says I do not pay enough attention to them, but I am working hard to provide for my family.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: One of the major responsibilities of a father is to provide for his family. Kudos to you for that. But children need more than food and a roof over their heads. And some of the things they need are best provided not by a mum, but by a dad. What else do children need from you?
Relationship: Children yearn for a loving connection with their father. Research shows that a father’s presence helps children with social adjustment, improves graduation rates and reduces a child’s risk of mental health problems. Yet, many dads do not make relationships a priority. Time is crucial – you cannot pay attention and listen to someone else without dedicating time to them. So, when you are with your children, put down your phone, make eye contact, and hear what is in their hearts.
Boundaries and limits: Children need a dad who is willing to do the hard work of creating boundaries. These will help them learn how to navigate emotions, pressures and temptations. Within the context of security and relationships, limits promote respect, trust, growth and self-esteem. Children will test the limits you lay down, but they need them. You will be more successful in implementing boundaries if you take the time to develop a healthy relationship with your children.
Mission, direction and vision: Children build their identity from a young age. By validating their character, talents and skills, you can help your children focus their lives and pursue meaning and purpose. This will be life-transforming for them – and you.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Our signature bonding event for married couples, “Date Night”, is back on Saturday, Oct 5. Join us to create unforgettable memories that will deepen your bond and intimacy as husband and wife. Register at family.org.my/datenight.
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