IN analytical psychology, the shadow is an unconscious aspect of the personality that the conscious ego does not identify in itself. Because one tends to reject or remain ignorant of the least desirable aspects of one’s personality, the shadow is largely negative.
“Everyone carries a shadow and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is,“ wrote Carl Jung, the Swiss psychiatrist and psychoanalyst who founded analytical psychology.
Since the shadow is the unknown dark side of the personality, it can be instinctive and irrational. Therefore, it is prone to psychological projection, in which perceived personal inferiority is recognised as a perceived moral deficiency in someone else.
Facing the shadow
According to the book Meeting the Shadow: The Hidden Power of the Dark Side of Human Nature by Connie Zweig and Jeremiah Abrams, shadow work involves facing your lost self, false self, and disowned self.
Your ‘lost self’ is the parts of your being that you had to repress because of the demands of society, the ‘false self’ is the facade you created in order to fill the void created by repression and lack of adequate nurturing, while the ‘disowned self’ is the negative parts of your false self that met with disapproval and were therefore denied.
One way or another, our shadow side will find its way to the surface. If we keep attempting to postpone sitting with our feelings, they will barge in, uninvited, and at random for a sense of relief from the internal pressure of keeping it all in.
It can range from us blowing up on someone who doesn’t deserve it, to shelving ideas for our dream project because we never address the underlying notion that we don’t think we’re good enough.
By confronting our fear, we consciously make a safe space for our inner havoc and it will be one of the most liberating experiences we could hope for when we feel the sense of relief when we respond to something that once triggered us with grace and composure.
When we learn to sit with our demons instead of shaming them into hiding, we have a more gentle and effective approach to our life.
Instead of being at the mercy of others’ projections, we need to become aware. When others project onto us, we will understand that they are not actually speaking to us but through us.
Shadow work in action
Sometimes, we might get bad vibes about someone, but we should question if it’s truly our intuition or if it’s our anxiety, feelings, or jealousy coming to the surface.
At that instance, we may end up labelling the person who triggered our strong feelings as the issue. For example, we think: “I don’t get it, why do people like her? She’s not all that great, pretty, or talented in the first place...”
Understanding projection in shadow working is the art of asking the hard question: “Does this person fit this mould or am I projecting my discomfort?”
At that moment, we can notice and tell ourselves: “I am projecting my discomfort onto this person. It is a human experience and it doesn’t mean I am a jealous person. I am just a person experiencing jealousy at this moment.”
Starting a shadow work journal to work out these inner experiences can help you dive deeper into your psyche. This is a huge part of developing your intuition and knowing.
As you exercise this mental muscle, your discernment becomes sharper. Interacting with people and yourself from a balanced place makes you more secure.
Instead of being addicted to gaining fleeting validation, you find genuine fulfilment by living within a consistently calm and stable emotional body.
When we shun the shadow, we feel that both ourselves and humanity are more disintegrated and broken. When we accept the shadow, we see that being disintegrated is an illusion and our murky side is a part of our wholeness.
How to resolve it
At its core, the foundation of shadow working is acceptance and forgiveness. When we learn to sit with our shadow, we can start to learn how to genuinely replace shame with acceptance and forgiveness.
However, shadow working shouldn’t feel urgent because we never fully heal. Jung stressed that an individual’s proper goal is wholeness, not perfection.
The path to a greater character lies in integrating those elements of our psyche that for too long have been repressed and denied, and to instead, co-exist with the darker sides of yourself.
The easiest way to start is to sit and reflect when you are triggered, rather than trying to project, numb, or distract yourself. It won’t be easy, but you’ll learn to sit with uncomfortable emotions rather than suppress them.
Like building a habit, it’ll take practice and mindfulness to realise your emotions and feelings. The duality of humans is to see that there is more than one perspective to any situation.
Here are some shadow work journal prompts that you can start with:
1. What am I running from? Why am I running?
2. What traits irk me? Why? Where do I have these traits within myself or bad experiences that exaggerate this dislike?
3. In what ways do I silence my needs to be approved by others?
4. How am I at setting boundaries?
5. How can I get better at reaching out for support when I’m struggling? In what way is my stubbornness or need for control getting in the way of my happiness?
