Q: I agree that children should only play positive video games but that is not our issue – ours is time. Both our children only play games with suitable content but it is like pulling teeth to get them to stop. Please help.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: As you have discovered, even games you do not mind your children playing can still consume a great deal of time. Video game makers have mastered not only how to attract children to play but also how to keep them hooked and constantly coming back for more.
A good rule of thumb for curbing the tendency to overindulge is to encourage your children to read a book for 30 minutes in exchange for 30 minutes of video game time.
Alternatively, you can require them to read for an hour in return for 30 minutes of screen time, whether that involves television, computers or video games.
We suggest developing and implementing some type of coupon or reward system as a form of currency. However you choose to enforce this, your children will emerge as winners. They will broaden their horizons, improve their reading skills and expand their knowledge, all while keeping gaming activity under control.
A related challenge you may encounter is that your child’s internal clock may “run slow” when it comes to those 30 minutes of gaming privileges. The remedy is to use a reliable timekeeping device. A timer on your phone, for example, can help limit video gaming to 30 minutes per day and perhaps an hour on weekends.
These days, many devices come with built-in timers that automatically shut them off at a predetermined time, so you do not always have to play the bad guy. What better way to ensure gaming remains within the limits!
Q: My husband is a compulsive and addicted video gamer. It seems that all he does is go to work, come home and play video games. Sometimes I wish it were one of our three children with this problem. At least then I would know I have options. But with my husband, I feel helpless. Is there anything I can do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We can certainly understand your frustration, especially when it feels as though there is no end in sight. However, there are some steps you can take.
First, we are assuming your husband already knows, in a general sense, how you feel. He has probably seen you roll your eyes or heard you tell a friend or family member how disappointed you are.
But have you ever had a calm and respectful heart-to-heart conversation with him about this? We are not talking about saying, “You have got to stop all this video gaming; it is driving me crazy!”
Instead, we mean a private and honest conversation in which you say something like: “Honey, I love you very much and that has never changed throughout our marriage. What has changed is the amount of time we spend talking about life and sharing interests together. I feel as though I have slipped down your list of priorities, even below gaming. That is not what either of us envisioned for our marriage. How can we work together to change this?”
It is also important to come prepared with ideas that may help improve the situation. Would a weekly date night help? Perhaps an after-dinner walk together?
You should also think about how much gaming time you feel comfortable with. These ideas can help guide the discussion in a constructive way.
If you have this conversation and still feel you are not making progress, we would suggest that the two of you consider meeting with a counsellor.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
