NEIGHBOURS can be a true blessing, keeping an eye on our homes while we are on holiday.
Likewise, our neighbours too may need our help, especially in dire circumstances. The sounds coming through walls or across garden fences sometimes tell stories we would rather not hear, forcing
us to confront an uncomfortable question: When does neighbour-hood awareness become a moral obligation?
A few years ago, while living in a townhouse, a neighbour confided her concerns about the family below – of frequent crying and sounds of possible physical altercations.
On New Year’s Day, I visited the family. I offered them a box of chocolates, hoping to build trust and offer support.
The visit revealed a tense and guarded household. The children were never alone without their father, and even in his brief absence, fear seemed to stifle any conversation.
My gesture, though well-meaning, only served to confirm the suspicions.
Through my work as a trauma therapist and my personal experience, I have learned that victims of domestic abuse need others to look out for them, even in the smallest ways.
Amid the fear and isolation is their desperate hope that someone may notice and care enough to help.
Safety is a major concern when considering intervention in domestic abuse cases as confronting abusers can trigger violent retaliation.
However, experts recommend indirect strategies, such as documenting incidents, contacting authorities, and discreetly offering support to victims.
With domestic abuse reports in Malaysia rising from 5,507 in 2023 to 7,116 in 2024, the unreported cases likely number in the hundreds more.
Research-backed intervention approaches include:
Documentation: Keep detailed records of incidents, including dates, times and specific observations. Such information can prove invaluable for investigating potential abuse.
Professional consultation: Contact local domestic violence organisations for guidance before taking action. Trained counsellors can advise on safe, effective approaches for specific situations.
Resource provision: Leave anonymous information about domestic violence services in common areas or mailboxes. Simple awareness can empower victims to seek assistance.
Building trust: Consistent, non-threatening friendliness can establish relationships that eventually allow victims to confide safely.
Community networks: Organise neighbourhood watch programmes that naturally increase social connection and observation without appearing invasive.
Certain situations require immediate professional intervention, such as witnessing physical violence, hearing clear threats of harm, observing unexplained injuries on children or adults, noticing signs of severe neglect or any indication of immediate danger.
In the US, there is a campaign called “See Something, Say Something”. Perhaps we can have something similar.
While intervention carries risks, research shows that community awareness and action can save lives.
The Women’s Aid Organisation highlights that early intervention can significantly improve outcomes for domestic violence victims, particularly children who cannot self-advocate.
The balance between respecting privacy and protecting vulnerable community members requires careful consideration.
We cannot ignore our neighbours’ welfare under the guise of minding our own business, particularly when children’s safety may be at stake.
Our communities are only as strong as our commitment to each other’s well-being.
Sometimes, that commitment requires us to look beyond our own gardens and listen carefully to the sounds that matter most – those that signal someone needs help and we may be in a position to provide it.
In addition to contacting the authorities, you can also record distressing sounds or cries. Whether you live in a condo, flat, apartment or landed property, capturing audio evidence can be helpful when reporting to the police, building management or security personnel.
Look for simple ways to start a conversation – festivals are perfect for this. Sending cookies or kueh to neighbours is a small gesture with lasting impact.
Lets revive that spirit of caring neighbourliness – it may save a life or simply lead to a new friendship.
Nahlana T. Kreshnan is a somatic psychotherapist and life and executive coach. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
