IMAGINE your phone ringing incessantly throughout the day – calls from unknown numbers, telemarketers peddling things you do not need, messages from friends checking in and urgent calls that demand your immediate attention.
If you were to answer every single one, your day would quickly become a chaotic whirlwind of unnecessary conversations, distractions and wasted energy. Instead, you wisely screen
your calls. You allow some to go to voicemail, decline those pesky spam calls and only pick up when it truly matters.
Now, consider your mind as that phone. Thoughts arrive and depart, each vying for your attention, some useful and others utterly redundant. Yet, we often treat every thought as if it must be entertained, meticulously analysed and responded to.
A single anxious thought can ignite a cascade of self-doubt, spiralling into a narrative of fear. A fleeting worry can transform into a night of restless tossing and turning.
We answer every mental call, engage with
it and before we realise it, we are deeply immersed in a dialogue with our worst fears. However, what if we simply allowed some thoughts to ring and pass, unanswered?
Many of us operate under the illusion that if we ponder something long enough, we can exert control over it. If we fixate on how we came across during a meeting, perhaps we can somehow undo the perceived awkwardness. If we meticulously rehearse worst-case scenarios in our minds, maybe we can prevent them
from ever materialising. If we repeatedly replay a painful memory, perhaps we can rewrite it, altering its impact.
But the fundamental truth remains: thoughts do not alter reality – they merely alter how we experience it. Overthinking the past does not rewrite it. Worrying about the future does not prevent it. All it manages to do is drain our precious energy in the present moment.
Reflect on a time when you found yourself trapped in a relentless loop of anxious thoughts. Did it genuinely help? Or did it merely generate more mental exhaustion?
In most instances, excessive engagement with our thoughts does not provide clarity – it only amplifies the internal noise. Just as not every phone call warrants an answer, not every thought deserves our engagement.
Some thoughts are indeed urgent and require attention, such as reminders to complete a crucial project or the realisation that you need to extend an apology to someone.
However, many are akin to spam calls – negative self-talk, imagined disasters and unnecessary regrets. The challenge lies in our tendency to mistake these spam thoughts for important ones.
When a thought arises, take a moment to ask yourself: Is this thought helpful? Does it guide me towards a solution or does it merely amplify my anxiety? Is this thought grounded in facts
or fear? Am I reacting to reality or my own assumptions? Is this thought facilitating my growth or is it keeping me trapped in a cycle of stagnation?
If the thought is unhelpful, untrue or perpetuating a cycle of stress, you are not obligated to answer it. Allow it to ring. Let it pass.
Mindfulness teaches us that thoughts are merely thoughts – they are not commands, nor are they truths etched in stone. We can observe them without engaging, much like watching leaves float downstream in a tranquil river. Some leaves may catch your eye while others drift away unnoticed.
This is analogous to how thoughts function. Those we seize and scrutinise closely consume us, whereas those we allow to drift by leave no trace on our inner peace. One way to cultivate this practice is through noting.
When an anxious thought emerges, instead of dissecting it, simply label it – “worry”, “self-doubt” or “judgement”. Then, release it.
When we name our thoughts rather than react to them, we create a sense of distance. We perceive them for what they truly are – transient experiences, and not immutable facts.
When we cease answering unnecessary mental calls, we create space for the present moment. Instead of being lost in a labyrinth of thoughts, we can engage with what is actually unfolding around us.
A simple technique to return to the present is sensory grounding. Pause and consciously notice things you can see – the sky, a cup of coffee, the texture of your desk; things you can hear – birds chirping, distant chatter, the hum of an air conditioner; things you can feel – the weight of your body, the warmth of your hands, the fabric of your clothes; things you can smell – fresh air, the pages of a book; and things
you can taste – a sip of tea, the lingering taste of a meal.
This straightforward exercise will bring you back into your body and out of your head.
It serves as a gentle reminder that life is happening now, not in your thoughts about the past or the future.
One reason we engage with every thought
is because silence can feel unsettling. When there is a pause, we instinctively rush to fill it – by checking our phones, thinking about what
is next and worrying about things beyond our control.
But silence is not empty; it is where clarity emerges. When we stop chasing every thought, we make space for insight. When we stop reacting to every mental call, we create peace.
A calm mind is not one devoid of negative thoughts; it is one that knows how to let them come and go without turning them into a prolonged conversation.
Next time your mind rings with an
unhelpful thought, ask yourself: Do I really need to pick up?
Dr Praveena Rajendra is a certified mental health and awareness practitioner
specialising in narcissistic abuse recovery.
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