Q: I am experiencing an awkward situation with an extended family member. This person recently disagreed with something I posted on Facebook and commented harshly. I admit I responded poorly at that moment. This led to other negative posts and a couple of snarky texts. A minor difference has escalated into real tension. What do I do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Digital connections – email, texting and popular social media platforms – have revolutionised communication with good reason: they are fast and convenient. When a relationship is healthy, they are a great way to stay
in touch.
However, as author Dr John Townsend warns, if you are engaged in conflict with someone, addressing problems through electronic means is the worst thing you can do.
That is because confrontational comments almost always seem worse when you read them. No matter how carefully we word our thoughts, it is far too easy for the reader to feel attacked or judged.
The potential for misunderstanding is so great. Townsend recommends people never use digital means to confront anyone. Instead, talk face-to-face if possible or by phone if necessary.
Addressing disagreements in person can make for an uncomfortable conversation but it is the best way to ensure that the subtleties of communication carry through and help make reconciliation possible, rather than derail it.
Make it your priority to affirm the relationship, even if you need to “agree to disagree” about some things. There is a great advice on interacting with others that dates back 2,000 years: “If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all.”
Humbly admitting any fault you may have in escalating the situation could be the first step in reaching a resolution.
Q: My seven-year-old daughter is smart, and many things come easily to her. However, when things do
not go her way or she faces any obstacles, she tends to give up. How can I teach her to persevere?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Perseverance is important for a thriving and successful life. However, children lack the ability to cope with normal childhood emotions, such as boredom, sadness, loneliness, disappointment, failure or loss.
As parents, we can teach our children how to manage these emotions effectively, without feeling the need to shield them.
Persevering through hardships is
a learned process – one that is most effectively learned at an early age, but which can be absorbed by older children as well.
Interestingly, some children will naturally thrive when facing a challenge, no matter the outcome. Others interpret loss as a complete failure. The key to perseverance is looking through a new lens. This is true for all areas of life: academics, relationships, job performance, etc.
There are three key mindsets
your child needs to develop to build persistence and successfully face adversity.
First, when (not if) she fails, acknowledge the raw feelings that come with it, but quickly guide her toward constructive thoughts.
It is important to recognise your child’s talents but let her know that talent requires refinement – the process of growth and improvement.
Winners first learn how to lose well, so that they do not panic when things go unexpectedly wrong. Like a rubber ball, teach her how to bounce back.
Second, help your child become a creative problem-solver. Make this a common phrase in your home: “Everything has a solution, you just have to find it.”
Finally, guide your child towards humility. None of us are perfect
but imperfection keeps us interdependent on others and allows us to experience the excitement of growing and improving.
This article is contributed by
Focus on the Family Malaysia, a
non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources,
including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
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