Q: My wife struggles with anxiety. I try to help her but my efforts to support her are wearing me down. I often find myself at a loss for words and worry that anything I say may be wrong. Please advise.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We all experience the occasional worry. However, when someone suffers from profound fear and anxiety, it becomes a debilitating daily existence affecting not only the individual but also those around them. While this platform may not allow for an exhaustive discussion, here are some key suggestions:
Firstly, avoid dismissing her fears, no matter how irrational they may seem to you. Disregarding her emotions can isolate her further, which will only intensify her anxiety. Also, do not have the notion that talking about her fears will make it worse. Instead, engage in open conversations to diffuse her fears by acknowledging them and bringing them into the open.
And do not underestimate the importance of faith. Most fears stem from the realisation that many situations in life are beyond our control. Faith can offer solace and tranquility.
Finally, seek professional help. Fear and anxiety often have deep-rooted causes, and well-intentioned reassurances from family members will offer little comfort. Counsellors, along with appropriate medication in certain situations, can significantly reduce the impact of fear in a person’s life.
Q: I frequently find myself becoming impatient with my children. How can I cultivate patience as a parent?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: You are not alone when facing parenting challenges. In a recent study involving 2,200 parents, 60% said they wish they had more patience while around 40% wished for better control over their emotions and reactions. Nevertheless, 91% of those surveyed affirmed that parenting is their greatest joy.
While parenting is deeply fulfilling, it is often driven by one of two factors:
(a) Our empathy and desire to help our children in managing their emotions and decisions.
(b) Our internal emotional turmoil, such as feelings of insecurity, pain, loneliness or difficulties in coping with stress.
Fatigue, stress and interpersonal conflicts with friends, colleagues or spouse can wear down our patience throughout the day. A key solution to this problem is to prioritise unconditional love with your children. It is important to pause and gain some perspective, recognising that your child probably lacks insight into what is affecting you.
Unconditional love entails setting aside your personal concerns momentarily and being fully “present” with your child. Note that “present” can also signify “gift”. By being “present”, you are offering yourself as a “gift” to your child, and they need not earn it from you.
Try these steps to be “present” with your child:
1. Pause your thoughts, take a deep breath and look into your child’s eyes – what do you observe?
2. Reflect on your life. What are the demands, stresses, pressures and other factors that are depleting your patience? How can you manage these issues?
3. Pose questions to gain a deeper understanding of what is transpiring in your child’s life. Do you perceive your child as a nuisance or as a “gift”? This perspective can make a big difference.
Embracing unconditional love will help you build a strong foundation for a healthy parent-child relationship that can bring serenity, even amid life’s chaos.
The article was contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
