Q: My husband recently lost his job and I am still working, so we are not destitute but it is tough on the whole family. Is there anything I should prioritise while he looks for a new position?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: You have an important role in helping your spouse deal with the uncertainties ahead. So you have to stay calm and focused to the best of your ability, which can be a bit of a tightrope.
If your husband is unemployed for weeks and months, it can feel like the search for a new job will never end but it is important not to let discouragement set in. Keep a healthy perspective and try to remember that, as difficult as this challenge is, it is only temporary.
One of the best things you can do as a couple is to keep life as normal as possible – maintain a routine, take life one day at a time and understand that there will be good days and bad.
Also, do not overlook the value of staying engaged with the people closest to you. When life gets tough, it is easy to withdraw and isolate ourselves but those are the times that we need the love and support of our community, friends and family.
Meanwhile, do not let your daily life become consumed by this situation. It is healthy to plan inexpensive activities that have no other purpose except to have fun.
Go for a bike ride or a hike or have a picnic. It is a good opportunity to set aside your worries, even if just for a short time, and refresh yourself and your marriage – that is the key.
Somehow, in the midst of uncertainty, both of you have to stay focused on the most important goal of all: keeping your relationship intact – even making it stronger – until you get to the other side of this challenge. Whatever you do, in the midst of your spouse’s unemployment, make your marriage your top priority.
Q: My wife and I have been married for several years but our life has not been what we envisioned – the road has been a lot tougher than we expected. We love each other but we are getting discouraged. Please advice.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Many couples struggle with the gap between the reality of their marriage and what they once dreamed it would be. What they often overlook, however, is whether their expectations were realistic to begin with.
Marital bliss is a common dream when people are dating. It is hard to imagine ever feeling discontent with your partner or running out of things to talk about – conversations seem endless, stretching into the early hours of the morning. And disagreements? They hardly seem possible.
But once you are married, those expectations usually hit a speed bump. Daily routines take over – work, bills and the week-in, week- out grind. In addition to that come the stressors: a job loss, the birth of a child or unexpected financial strain. Real life sets in, and slowly the dream that once felt so vivid begins to fade.
Here is the truth: strong marriages are not built on lofty expectations but shaped through the everyday ups and downs, and the shared experiences that accumulate over the years.
If your relationship is not everything you once hoped for, take a moment to reflect on what those original hopes were. It is possible that some of your expectations were unrealistic from the start. If that is the case, consider casting a new vision for your marriage – one grounded less in fairy tale ideals and more in real life. Build that vision on your individual and shared strengths and you may discover that your marriage can become even greater than you imagined.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Join dad and daughter date and make memories that will last a lifetime for you and your daughter (13-19 years). Register now at family.org.my/daddaughter.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
