Q: I have been through some challenging experiences in life. For the most part, I’ve been able to set them aside and move on, but sometimes I still struggle with my emotions. Do you have any advice for getting past the hurt?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Life can be tough and inflicts wounds in us all. The question is: What do we do with the pain?
On a recent family holiday, a man and his wife relaxed by the pool while their sons splashed around in the water.
At one point, he watched his son John wrestle with a beach ball.
Again and again, he’d muscle the ball under the water, then struggle to keep it there.
Eventually, he’d exhaust his strength, and the ball would pop back up to the surface.
As he sat there and watched, he realised that his son’s game was a striking metaphor for life.
Throughout our lives, we can suffer any number of deep emotional wounds.
In many cases, the only solution we know is to push the pain beneath the surface of our hearts and minds.
We think that if we can just block out our negative memories, the bad feelings will go away. And they do – temporarily.
But eventually, a crisis occurs and the stress brings our pain right back up to the surface.
The truth is that wounds need to be healed, not ignored. Embracing the pain is an important first step.
As you receive healing support from professionals and those who care about you, the air is slowly released from the beach ball.
Over time, you no longer need to rely on willpower to keep bad thoughts pushed beneath the surface.
They’ll heal and sink from memory all on their own.
Q: How do we handle our children’s obsession with their phones? It seems like they’re always on their devices and it’s hard to have a conversation with them.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Texting is the primary means of communication for today’s preteens and teens.
Many children have multiple text conversations going on all day, impacting already scattered attention spans.
There’s a term for the interference that technology can cause in family relationships — “technoference”.
One study found that Malaysians recorded an average screen time of eight hours and 17 minutes daily, the eighth highest in the world.
To reduce technoference, parents need to set boundaries and guidelines for technology use.
That means investing time and energy into modelling, teaching and consistently guiding our children with sensitivity and understanding – not just controlling them.
This requires open, honest conversations about your concerns and exploring the reasons why your children are so enamoured with their phones (escapism, social connection, etc.)
One great way to establish boundaries and teach responsibility is to create a contract that spells out expectations for how technology will be used and what happens when it’s mismanaged.
Start that contract by establishing that technology is a privilege, not a right.
Of course, since we’re models for our children, they need to see that we’re willing to limit ourselves as well.
Establish an example by consistently setting your phone aside during dinner and family time.
A parent’s main goal should be teaching children to manage life and make healthy decisions.
When your children make mistakes, help them work through the consequences.
Then take time to celebrate as a family when you conquer technoference issues in your home.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Our signature bonding event for married couples, “Date Night”, is back on Saturday, Oct 5. Join us to create unforgettable memories that will deepen your bond and intimacy as husband and wife. Register at family.org.my/datenight. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
