Q: I get frustrated watching other families that seem so perfect. They remind me of a sitcom The Brady Bunch – loving parents, happy
children, and no real problems. Am I missing something?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We have all looked at family, co-workers or friends on social media and thought, “Wow, that family has got life all figured out”. However, the truth is – they don’t.
We all wear a public face that shows us in our best and happiest times while the rest is kept private. Parents do not snap pictures of their children when they bring home bad grades from school. They do not pose for selfies when they lose their patience or when arguing with one another.
We doubt you record, much less post/share, those less-than-perfect moments either, and neither do your family and friends.
Many of those smiling children on Facebook and Instagram probably talk back to their parents or lie to get out of trouble. And I am sure those mums and dads snap at their children from time to time instead of patiently listening.
That “perfect” meal recipe probably took several tries before it was post-worthy, and behind those neat photos, there is likely laundry piling up and toys scattered all over.
Perfect families do not exist. If they did, we could not tell you how to become one, and that is fortunate because the goal is not perfection; it is a family that is healthy and strong.
That means mum, dad and the children love each other and handle their problems with patience and respect. Anybody can work towards that.
Q: My nine-year-old son struggles with new situations, whether it is starting a new school year or going to camp. New people and places always make him uneasy. How can I help him cope better?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: New social situations tend to make some children apprehensive, especially if they are filtering the situation through a negative lens. Children need three foundational things to help them face new situations with a more positive viewpoint.
They need to belong: Many children spend a lot of emotional energy trying to fit in with a certain group of children because they think they will gain a sense of belonging. However, genuine belonging means being a part of something, not just doing things to fit in. Talk to your child about his insecurities and about other children’s opinions of what is “cool” and what is not.
Help him recognise that most of his peers also carry an “emotional backpack” full of insecurities. Guide him in discovering places where he can feel – or already feels – a sense of belonging, even with his own “baggage”. Remind him of the safety that begins from belonging within a family.
They need to feel they have worth: Many children who are anxious in new situations are afraid of messing up or being ridiculed. They dread having their imperfections being exposed or not having control. Affirm your son’s worth even with his unique imperfections. He is a one-of-a-kind worthwhile person to know.
They need to feel that they are good at something: We all crave the confidence that comes from knowing we excel at something. Guide your child through an honest inventory of his skills and talents. Encourage him to continue discovering what he is good at or could be good at with effort. Show him how those things matter when in a new environment.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
