Q: I have read that parents should “engage their children” to stay connected. As a dad, I want to make my children a priority, but I do not have time. What can I do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We have heard many parents talk about how hard it is to find time to engage with their children. We understand that life is busy, and it is difficult to balance work, home and children’s activities. However, the opportunity to engage is often in front of us if we just watch for it.
Here is a true story of a father who was the assistant coach for his son’s football team when his son was in Form Two. It was the time of the year when several sports were in action.
Every time they pulled into the practice field, there were a lot of children and a lot of cars. The father noticed something. As he and his son walked to the practice field, they passed car after car with a parent sitting inside. The parents were talking on their phone, looking at social media
or playing a game to pass time. Occasionally, there would also be a dad taking a nap.
The father believed those parents were missing a golden opportunity. Week upon week, they could have been cheering their child from the sidelines. Does it matter if it is not an actual game? Don’t we say often that “the practice ground is where the game is won”?
Even when the activity is something we may consider “insignificant”, it is not insignificant to our children. Most importantly, it is a chance to be engaged in their world.
Sports practice is one of those areas, but there are others as well. Spend 10 minutes reading to younger children before bed.
If they are older, you could spend a few minutes with them at breakfast before you rush out the door. Find what works for you; the key is to look for small moments that may otherwise
go to waste. Choose to spend time with your children.
Q: My wife and I get along well, although we fuss a lot about little things. That is normal, right? My parents did it all the time and they seemed okay.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: The small things you bicker about may seem harmless but these can put a strain on your marriage.
Petty arguments, such as not taking out the garbage, leaving clothes lying around on the floor and others, can be dangerous. Let them go on long enough and all of those “small” things can take a toll on your marriage.
This is because petty arguments are not really what is wrong with your marriage. They are just masking deeper issues in your relationship. Sometime in the past, your spouse may have said or done something hurtful to you, and now you are covering up that pain with anger.
That is why that sock on the floor can lead to an argument. Anger is easier than showing vulnerability. It is safer to argue about a sock than it is to talk about your deeper hurts and fears.
Some couples spend years senselessly fighting about small and unimportant irritations while ignoring the deeper cancer that is killing their marriage from within.
The next time you get into a petty argument, ask yourself, “What is this really about?” Get to the deeper issues and heal those. You will feel less stressful in life and will not get so agitated over small things.
When couples resolve their deeper conflicts, the petty disagreements usually dry up on
their own. That makes for a much healthier relationship.
This article is contributed by Focus on the
Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional
counselling services, to the community.
For more information, visit family.org.my.
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