Reddit user questions giving duit Raya after relatives call him stingy, sparking debate on festive norms
FOR many Malaysians, angpow or duit Raya is the highlight of festive celebrations — a small vibrant packet that carries joy, nostalgia and a sense of tradition.
But is giving duit Raya actually compulsory, especially for single working adults?
A Reddit user known as 404_cactus recently sparked discussion online after sharing his dilemma about whether to continue the practice.
He explained that he has been giving duit Raya since starting his first job five years ago.
Typically, he gives RM3 to RM5 to children, and between RM10 and RM50 depending on the situation. For those pursuing higher education, he considers RM50 to help with expenses.
“I thought it’s a nice thing to share a bit of what I have with the kids,” he wrote.
However, he admitted feeling hurt by remarks from some adult relatives.
“Just RM3 or RM5? So stingy,” they would say. Last year, he gave duit Raya to his cousin’s three children — only to be asked by the cousin herself for a money packet.
“I was confused. We’re the same age. I told her the packet is for kids only. She scoffed and said, ‘Wow, you’re so stingy to me.’ It kind of hurt my feelings,” he shared.
He noted that every year, there are always a few ungrateful adult relatives who make such comments, although the children themselves seem appreciative.
“I’m not sure what I should do this Raya,” he added.
In the comments section, many offered reassurance. One user, sofututufu, advised him to follow his sincerity rather than others’ expectations.
He said he only gives duit Raya to children within his immediate family, such as nieces, nephews and younger cousins.
“I keep giving to family to keep the tradition and culture alive. I imagine myself as a kid, how happy I was receiving and collecting duit Raya just to buy a small toy at the end. It was magical,” he wrote, adding that he does not feel obliged to give beyond that circle.
Another commenter, Nblrzwn_, who grew up in a large family with seven siblings and around 30 cousins, said she received duit Raya for many years before she began working.
“Now I give to their children as a thank you to the parents who gave me money all those years, and because I want to see the kids happy. Don’t be too discouraged by what the parents say. The kids did nothing wrong,” she said.
Meanwhile, a user named fantasyreality, in his late 30s, shared that he allocates between RM2,000 and RM2,500 annually for duit Raya during Hari Raya Aidilfitri.
He distributes RM100 to each parent, RM50 to siblings, RM30 to aunts and uncles, RM10 to family members’ children and smaller amounts to others, including colleagues’ children and guests at his open house.
“I give because I can afford it. I don’t give much, and I’m not expected to give much either. It’s a cultural norm but you can choose not to give. Just don’t worry too much about what people think,” he said.
