Some revealed that expected hantaran can reach as high as RM30,000, while others mentioned figures around RM20,000.
THE topic of duit hantaran has recently gained significant traction online, with Malaysians debating the rising expectations surrounding the custom. Traditionally, this sum is a gift from the groom to the bride’s family to assist with wedding preparations, but as demands climb, so do frustrations.
One Malaysian man has triggered an intense conversation after questioning whether current expectations have become excessive and if these inflated sums are being normalised beyond what many can realistically afford.
In a post on Reddit, the man shared a conversation with friends where some revealed that expected hantaran now reaches as high as RM30,000, with RM20,000 being cited as a standard figure.
“Am I being too stingy for thinking these amounts are ridiculous, yet somehow so normalised?” he asked.
He pointed out that the hantaran is merely one segment of the total expenditure. Wedding ceremonies themselves can easily cost an additional RM20,000, creating a significant financial burden even before married life begins.
Beyond the ceremony, he stressed that responsibilities do not end there. Providing nafkah, securing a place to live, covering daily expenses and setting aside emergency funds are all part of the reality that follows.
“Seeing years of hard-earned money just disappear for a two-day celebration makes me really, really sad. Why do we as a society normalise this kind of waste?” he added.
The post has since triggered a lively discussion, with netizens weighing in on the balance between cultural tradition and modern financial reality.
Many users stressed the importance of finding a partner with compatible financial awareness.
“It really depends, honestly. If you have a sensible partner, they will think about the long run. If not, they will drain you dry right then and there and set your future up for shambles,” one user commented.
Another netizen echoed these sentiments, suggesting a focus on religious requirements over social showmanship: “It is better to marry someone who is on the same level both financially and mentally. If a woman has a degree but has only been working for a year and asks for RM30,000, that is quite delusional. It is better to request a higher mas kahwin (obligatory gift) and keep the hantaran for the wedding according to what one can actually afford.”
