Q: Our family loves playing sports, so being limited for the past few years has been tough. Our eight-year-old twins are finally starting football this year. My husband and I were university athletes and we are ultra-competitive, so we want to maintain a healthy perspective. Do you have any advice?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We have heard stories or seen examples of bad behaviour at children’s sporting events – poor sportsmanship, yelling and even fistfights. It is exponentially worse when parents are the ones behaving poorly.
Fortunately, most parents would not dream of acting violently but those extreme cases are not the only ones that take the fun out of youth sports.
Yelling at coaches, officials, and players or especially publicly criticising your child’s performance can be humiliating for all concerned.
Winning is not everything and a child’s bad game is not the end of the world. Your children can develop many positive character traits through sports even if they are not the best player. Ultimately, they may decide they would rather do something else, and that is fine.
Emphasise to your children, that you are proud of them regardless of whether they win or lose, and prove it through your actions.
Meanwhile, treat everyone connected with the game with respect. Your child is watching and will learn from how you handle yourself when you disagree with a referee’s call or a coach’s decision. When mums and dads are team players and good sports, everyone wins.
Cheering you on!
Q: When my wife and I get into an argument, I usually shut down. Even though we do not fight much, I know it is a problem that is hurting our marriage. Do you have any advice or techniques I can use in stressful moments that can help me engage in a healthy way?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Good job to you for recognising the issue and being willing to seek help. We like this illustration: when serious conflict impacts your relationship, do you dig a moat or build a bridge?
Digging a moat is a common defensive reaction when your marriage is suffering. It is like an emotional trench around your heart so deep and wide that your spouse can never cross it.
It is an understandable response when you are buried in heartache, but in the long run, a moat keeps you isolated and stuck in pain.
To break free, build a bridge with your spouse by finding ways to connect. Use the solid things that first drew you together to rebuild what is been broken. That is not easy to do but a few things are worth having.
Your relationship will not magically fix itself overnight; disconnecting from one another probably took some time, and so will reconnecting.
Healing can come, but it happens one kiss, one conversation, one date night at a time.
This involves prioritising your relationship. Put the children to bed early occasionally to facilitate husband-and-wife time.
Meet for lunch or hire a babysitter. It may seem like ordinary moments but they are exactly the small steps that can slowly bring your relationship back together.
If conflict has damaged your marriage, remember: Do not dig a moat. Build a bridge.
Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
