Q: MY elderly mother still lives independently but it is becoming clear that she will soon need help managing her finances and other important matters. My siblings and I want to start preparing for this transition. What steps would you recommend to ensure everything is handled smoothly?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: You are wise to begin thinking about this now while your mother is still able to participate in planning for her future.
First, make sure she is comfortable sharing personal information and financial information. If not, it may be helpful to involve a neutral third party such as a financial advisor, accountant or attorney to facilitate the necessary discussions.
Once you have the go-ahead, work together to get a clear picture of her financial situation. This includes calculating the total value of her assets – savings, investments, real estate and any other holdings.
Review her monthly expenses to see if any can be reduced and consider whether there are additional sources of funds, such as the sale of unused property or life insurance policies.
Also assess her health coverage. Does she have sufficient medical insurance?
It is also important to determine whether she will be able to maintain her current lifestyle with the resources she has. If investments are a major part of her retirement income and you are not comfortable addressing that area, get referrals from friends and look for a reputable financial advisor with integrity and a good track record.
Finally, if you have relationship concerns and challenges associated with this situation, do not hesitate to reach out for support. Our counsellors would be happy to help you navigate the relational aspects of this transition.
Q: Our eight-year-old daughter was eager to start gymnastics, so we enrolled her in an eight-week course that cost several hundred ringgit. However, after just two weeks, she is feeling sore and realises it is more challenging than she expected – now she wants to quit. Should we encourage her to stick it out or let her stop?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: The best approach will depend on your daughter and her past behaviour. If she has a habit of making enthusiastic false starts but often gives up when things get difficult, it may be valuable for her to see this course through to help build resilience, discipline and a sense of accomplishment.
This “reality therapy” will be especially important if you enrolled her in the classes based on her promise to follow through. In this case, the core issue is keeping to her word and not about the activity or the cost. By encouraging her to persevere, she may not only develop a stronger sense of responsibility but also come to enjoy the challenge and gain confidence from pushing through initial discomfort.
If your daughter has shown commitment to other long-term activities but is genuinely unhappy in this one, it may be reasonable to let her withdraw. Ensure the issue is not due to a mismatch with the coach, the programme or being placed in a group that is too advanced.
Sometimes, a change in environment – with a more encouraging coach or team – can make all the difference.
Regardless of the outcome, avoid criticising her decision. Preserving her self-esteem will be more valuable in the long run than any trophy, and the experience can serve as a meaningful lesson for future commitments.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Join dad and daughter date and make memories that will last a lifetime for you and your daughter (13-19 years). Register now at family.org.my/daddaughter. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
