Q: I studied art in college and married before graduating. Four years later, my time is spent preparing meals, wiping toddlers’s noses and mopping the kitchen floor while my still-single university friends have thriving careers in graphic design and other artistic disciplines. I love my children but I can’t help feeling jealous. Should I just give up on my artistic dreams altogether? It feels like that part of my life is long gone.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Here is a perspective you may not have considered. As many starving writers, painters and musicians will tell you, art matters a great deal whether or not it generates “commercial success”. It matters because it springs from our humanity. We were created to create.
In that context, as a homemaker – a nurturer of children and shaper of an environment where they can grow, thrive and flourish – you are an artist of the highest order.
Your medium may not be clay, canvas or iPad but you are sculpting impressionable young lives every single day.
Furthermore, as your children grow, you will be uniquely-equipped to help them discover their gifts and talents. You can guide them in developing their own forms of artistic expression and even create along with them.
As they progress through school, you may have the opportunity to slip into the workforce or pursue “formal art” as a hobby. In the meantime, set aside a little “me time” each week to pursue your artistic passion.
Being a mother is a high calling, and the lives you shape have more value than any masterpiece on a wall. You may also be surprised to find out that some of those university friends you admire may very well be looking at your life with a touch of envy too.
Q: With two preschoolers in the house, it seems like my wife and I seldom connect anymore. She always talks about how tired she is after being with the children all day. What can I do to reinforce our relationship?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: When you arrive home after a long and tiring day, remember that your wife has had an equally long and tiring day.
She needs two things the most:
(a) adult conversation, including overt appreciation for her efforts, and
(b) an extra pair of adult hands to help, take charge of the children, pick up dirty clothes, take them to the park or begin any other activity to lighten her load.
Here are a few practical tips:
- Don’t expect to be taken care of like another child in the house. Pick up your own clothes and belongings.
- Don’t expect much romantic response if your wife is exhausted and you have not set the mood. Remember: intimacy often starts in the kitchen and dining room, with meaningful conversation, compliments, acts of kindness and even dish-washing to help reduce her to-do list.
- Get involved with bedtime routines for your children. This will help you stay connected with them and do wonders for your wife’s frame of mind.
- Maintain a regular date night – a meal, a concert or a walk – whatever your imagination and budget can allow, where focus is on conversation and companionship. Share about your day and listen to hers.
- Plan occasional getaways – a romantic weekend or one-night dinner staycation at a pleasant location – where her responsibilities are completely suspended. With planning and creativity, this can be affordable.
- Send a quick call or text during the day to offer encouragement or simply say, “I love you”.
- Surprise her with flowers or a small gift for no particular reason to let her know you are thinking of her. Small gestures can speak volumes.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
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