Q: My son and daughter are 15 and 13, and I am trying to cover all the bases in preparing them for adulthood. Are there any important topics that parents often forget or overlook?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Parents rightly want their teenagers to learn important life lessons – like managing finances, developing a strong work ethic and more. These are all valuable lessons but there is one important topic that is often overlooked: marriage.
You are probably thinking: “Talk to my teenagers about marriage? I am just hoping to
get them through the dating years.” However, conversations about marriage are not something that should be ignored in the teenage years – these early years are actually an ideal time to start laying the groundwork.
Marriage is an enormous life commitment, yet parents generally do little to prepare their children for it. That is why it is important to weave healthy principles about marriage into their upbringing from an early age.
Boys should be taught what it means to serve, honour and treat their future wives with dignity. Likewise, girls should learn the value of motherhood and how marriage can enrich – not diminish – their identity as women.
Values like these can positively influence even single young adults. They will be better prepared for a healthy dating life, more likely to wait for the right relationship and more open to talking with you or your spouse about their crush – rather than rushing into just any relationship.
Do not wait until your children are deeply involved in a romantic relationship to start talking about marriage. Be proactive – teach them what a healthy relationship looks like, so they are prepared to make wise choices when it matters most.
Q: How can we help our two-year-old adjust to having a new baby sister? He whines and cries for me constantly, and lately he has been acting out to get our attention. Is this normal?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Yes, this is perfectly normal. Your older child has been the centre of attention, and now a loud, crying little stranger has suddenly entered his world, demanding much of your time and energy.
There are several strategies you can adopt to smoothen the transition. First, your spouse should take an active, hands-on role with both toddler and baby. This will help your older child feel supported and included, while also giving you a bit of breathing room.
While you are nursing or caring for the baby, your husband can engage your son in fun one-on-one activities that give him his full attention.
Alternatively, he can support you by taking on baby duties – changing, rocking, burping and more – so you can have special time with your son each day.
It is common for parents to notice some regressive behaviour in toddlers after a new baby arrives. For example, your child might try to climb into the infant’s crib or suddenly “forget” potty training.
One way to address this is by praising your toddler for their “grown-up” abilities and highlighting the advantages of being older.
You may say something like: “You are such a big boy now. You can go to the park and ride the swings while the baby is too little to do that.”
Your son needs to be reassured that he is special and unique. Remind him of your love and praise him generously when he is helpful or kind towards his sister.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and
resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my.
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