Q: My two children love sports and are quite good athletes, but when they have a bad game, I am unsure of what to say to encourage them. I often feel like I don’t have the right words or advice in those moments. Please advise.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: This is one of the real challenges of raising young athletes, regardless of their skill level.
Many parents instinctively offer pointers on how their child can improve, but children often are not looking for critiques or advice when emotions are still raw. Even well-intentioned comments like “there’s always next time” can feel unhelpful.
Once the initial sting fades, your child will likely be open to suggestions on how to improve. However, the car ride home is probably not the best time for a detailed review of their mistakes. Instead, try this: After the game, as they are walking to the car with their head down, simply put an arm around them and say, “I sure love watching you play”. That’s it. These words communicate that you love and support them, no matter the outcome.
This simple message – that you love them and enjoy being with them, regardless of how they perform – reinforces your relationship and goes beyond sports. It sets a foundation for how you can help later. When they are ready to talk, make sure to listen more than you speak.
Q: My wife and I entered marriage three years ago with high hopes, believing we were well-prepared and had clear plans for what we wanted our relationship to be. However, we have yet to find the balance we are looking for. What can we do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We hear this type of question often, and in many cases, the issue may be one of extremes.
One of the most significant influences on how we behave in our marriage comes from our upbringing. For example, people raised in troubled homes, where parents constantly fought, may do everything they can to avoid interacting in the same way – sometimes avoiding conflict altogether, even if it means never expressing their opinions in the relationship.
However, there is also a downside to growing up in a home where conflict was never visible. Children raised in such environments often feel pressured to replicate their parents’ relationship. When the first disagreement occurs in their own marriage, they may feel like failures, believing their relationship is doomed.
Allowing your expectations to swing to either extreme can harm your relationship. The best approach is to find a healthy middle ground. Do not focus solely on running from the negativity of your past, but also avoid expending all your energy trying to recreate only the good parts.
Every marriage is unique, and you and your spouse need to find an identity for your relationship that best fits your individual personalities. This is the key to building a successful marriage.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
