Q: I am a busy working man. I know I should be spending more time with my family, and I really want to. But I am stumped as to how I can fit it all in; I have no room for anything else. What can I do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: There is a hard truth that we sometimes have to face: we can always make time for whatever is most important to us. Once you decide what comes first, it is easier to make adjustments.
One way to make more family time may be to rearrange your daily schedule. If you go into work early, that might make room at day’s end to leave earlier and beat the rush hour traffic on the way home. If you do this consistently, you can save yourself several extra hours a week – time that could be spent with your spouse and children.
Also, don’t go out to lunch if you can help it. By the time you factor in parking, ordering and everything else, the lunch “hour” can easily stretch to two hours – or more. Instead, pack your own lunch and just take a thirty-minute break. It is cheaper and it may give you just enough extra time to bring your son to the park later in the day.
Finally, don’t be so quick to take that promotion. If it is going to require even more travel and more overtime, it may be more worthwhile just to stay where you are for now. Your family may need you more than they need the extra income.
That does not mean you shrink responsibilities at work. Just make sure your job is not all-consuming. There is a big difference between putting in an honest day’s work and being a workaholic. With a little creativity, you can find a healthy balance between the office and home.
Q: I have had it with our lazy teenagers. They are good children but I can’t seem to motivate them to get off the couch and do anything constructive, much less finish their homework or clean their rooms. Do you have any suggestions?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Rather than “laziness”, view this as motivation towards other things. While it is common for teenagers to seem unmotivated, they are usually motivated towards something – such as technology, friends or dating – unless they are clinically depressed. Each of us have our own motivators.
Sometimes teenagers disengage because they are overwhelmed. They are still learning how to handle hormones, stress, technology, more freedom and many other distractions. It can also simply be immaturity.
As parents, we are positioned to teach our teenagers about limits, balance and life ownership. One method is to create consequences, such as gaining or losing freedom and privileges.
Another is to allow natural consequences to take place – such as receiving a bad grade, which may result in not having money to go out with friends. If video games and social media are significant distractions, limiting or even disconnecting technology for specified periods may be helpful.
Help your children learn to set goals and pursue them, with small celebrations as each objective is achieved.
Involve them in choosing the goals, celebrations and consequences. Remind them that you want them to enjoy life by learning how to manage it well.
Have confidence in setting limits. You are not in charge of their happiness; you are in charge of teaching them and helping them move towards maturity and healthy decision-making.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community. For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
