Q: My ageing mother who used to be a positive person now barely speaks to us during our visits to the nursing home where she has lived over a year. Is depression a common part of ageing, and what can we do to help her?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Unfortunately, depression can be quite common among people in your mother’s situation, but it is not considered a normal part of ageing. Physical incapacity, increasing dependency, chronic pain, loss and fear of death can trigger the onset of clinical depression, a condition that goes beyond temporary sadness.
Depression should never be considered normal, even in later life. Generally, older individuals are less likely to seek help compared with younger people, often due to growing up in an era when emotions were kept bottled up. However, stifled emotions can become toxic if allowed to fester.
First, be aware that certain medications can cause depression as a side effect. Review your mother’s medications with her doctor to determine if she is taking anything that could be contributing to her depression.
Next, give your mother support and encouragement. Spend time with her during difficult moments and remind her of how much she means to you.
Encourage her to reminisce about past events and people as this can help lift her spirits.
Enlist friends, neighbours and family to visit her regularly in the nursing home. Include her in family gatherings whenever possible to give her something to look forward to.
Finally, engage the help of a professional. While some older adults are hesitant to trust mental health professionals, early treatment is important in preventing more serious issues. Most people treated for depression, including seniors, show improvement within a few weeks.
Q: With two young children at home, my husband and I are finding it difficult to have any time for physical intimacy. We are constantly interrupted just as we get a moment together. What can we do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Most married couples with children can relate – sex can be a real challenge when little ones are in the house. You never know when someone may be tiptoeing just outside the bedroom door.
There are many ways to keep the spark alive. Start by discussing your expectations with your spouse. Women often feel more anxious about being “discovered” by their children, so it is important to work together to create a comfortable environment for both of you.
Think of ways to avoid being discovered. Can you put a lock on the bedroom door? Maybe you can repurpose an old baby monitor as an early warning system.
You may need to get creative, such as scheduling times for the little ones to visit a family member or friend. A playdate for the kids can turn into a “playdate” for mom and dad.
Despite your best efforts, surprise interruptions may still happen. It is important to protect your children’s innocence as much as possible.
You and your spouse may want to agree on a response in advance, such as, “After all these years, we still love each other and sometimes get excited to spend time together”.
Having children does not mean saying goodbye to marital intimacy.
It is crucial to make time for sex, even during the child-rearing years, as it is an important part of a healthy marriage.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Our signature bonding event for married couples, “Date Night”, is back on Saturday, Oct 5. Join us to create unforgettable memories that will deepen your bond and intimacy as husband and wife. Register at family.org.my/datenight. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
