Q: I am a young dad who is struggling to be a good husband and father. Despite my efforts, my wife tells me I am not pulling my weight. I play with the children when I can, but she often expects me to take on tasks like meal preparation and changing diapers – things I have never done. What should I do?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: Open communication is key in every aspect of married life. Many couples fail to discuss their parenting expectations, fears and struggles while caring for their child.
You and your wife should sit
down to address this issue calmly
and rationally. Consider getting a babysitter, and going out for the evening, away from the children and household pressures.
Enjoy dinner at a favourite restaurant, and when you are both relaxed, express your frustrations respectfully and honestly.
At the same time, let her know that you are eager and willing to learn what needs to be done at home and with your children so you can step in when necessary.
If you are unsure about how to do certain tasks, ask her for some basic training and instructions. She will likely appreciate your willingness to learn more than you realise.
Whatever approach you take, it is vital that you and your wife learn how to function as a team. Babies thrive best with the love and care of both parents.
Child-care skills can be learned, and you may just find it opens up a whole new world of connection with your children and your wife.
Q: Do you have any creative ideas for staying connected with my children? Our busy schedules make it feel like we never have time to share meaningful moments.
Focus on the Family Malaysia: You are not alone. A recent survey revealed that many Malaysians work harder than necessary, leaving little to no time for rest and recovery from long days and workplace stress.
Scoring 27.51 out of 100 on work-life balance, Malaysia ranks second worst globally in terms of work-life balance among 60 countries.
The secret lies in “addition by subtraction”. In other words, saying “no” to certain commitments can free up time for family members to say “yes” to each other.
In some households, families designate a night each week for bonding, ensuring they chat, laugh and play together.
Another effective tool for many families is keeping “connection journals”. These journals, placed on a common table, allow each family member to write short messages
to one another – notes of encouragement, inspiring quotes, riddles, jokes and expressions of gratitude for what each person means to the family.
Reading (and re-reading) the entries in these journals is like unwrapping a gift. Children can enjoy reading theirs before school or during mealtimes.
Stay-at-home parents can look at their journals throughout the day while the rest of the family is away. Meanwhile, working parents can take theirs to work or on business trips.
Connection journals can provide a quick mental “reset”. It is easy to get off track when negative thoughts cloud our perspectives. Uplifting words can help shift our mindsets and reconnect us with what matters most. Would you consider trying connection journals to see the positive impact they can have on your family relationships?
This article is contributed by
Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit. Our signature bonding event for married couples, “Date Night”, is tomorrow. Join us to create unforgettable memories that will deepen your bond and intimacy as husband and wife. Register at family.org.my/datenight. Comments: letters@thesundaily.com
