Q: As soon as our daughter hit the “terrible twos”, she became difficult to deal with. I have heard this is fairly common. We know it is “just a stage” and we will get through it. However, for now, it is exhausting and discouraging. What advice can you give for keeping the right perspective during this challenging time?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We will share an example that is in a book, The Best Advice I Ever Got On Parenting. The author heard it from singer Phil Joel and his wife, Heather. When their first son arrived, he slept through the night, loved to be held and routinely wore a big smile. Then he became a toddler, and his pleasant disposition vanished.
That is when the Joels realised parenting is a lot like gardening. The analogy illustrates that we plant seeds of love in our children so their lives will grow and flourish. But as anyone who tends the soil can tell you, positive results do not happen overnight.
Success requires consistent attention and labour, rain or shine. And it is not just the seeds you plant that sprout – there are weeds to be dealt with as well.
As they discovered, weeds can take many forms in our children’s lives, from negative cultural influences to selfishness that screams “it’s all about me!” These things often choke out the positive seeds of love and encouragement we are trying to spur towards growth.
That is why we need to dig beneath the surface of an issue to see lasting change. If we ignore the weeds, they will only grow deeper and become harder to uproot.
Raising children is not always easy, but with your loving care and your willingness to confront the negative influences that threaten their well-being, your child can develop into an adult of maturity and character.
Q: My wife and I have enjoyed being part of a close-knit circle of friends for a few years, but lately, we feel like something is missing – as if life has become a bit stagnant. We would like to branch out somehow and build new friendships, but we are not sure where to start. What would you suggest?
Focus on the Family Malaysia: We have heard that if couples are married long enough, they start to look like one another. We are not sure if that is true but couples do often look like the other couples they hang out with. It may feel more comfortable to be friends with someone who is just like you, but you are depriving your marriage of a great chance to grow.
Relating to someone in the same place in life as you or who has common interests is easy. You can empathise with each other about career challenges, share the highs and lows of parenting or compare favourite music, movies and hobbies.
But we would suggest another perspective. There is tremendous value in spending time with one or more couples who are different from you.
An older couple can share their years of wisdom with a younger couple and help them develop some long-term stability in their marriage. Younger couples have a lot to offer too. They can bring a sense of energy to the friendship or help an older couple feel younger and more revived in their relationship.
To add a deeper layer of richness to your marriage, try to build a friendship with another couple who does not see life the same way as you. Their different perspective can challenge you to grow. It just may create the spark you need to strengthen your marriage for years to come. And hopefully, you will do the same for them.
This article is contributed by Focus on the Family Malaysia, a non-profit organisation dedicated to supporting and strengthening the family unit.
It provides a myriad of programmes and resources, including professional counselling services, to the community.
For more information, visit family.org.my. Comments: [email protected]
