An unmarried woman opens up about supporting her mother alone, raising questions about family expectations, caregiving and balancing personal wellbeing.
IN MANY Malaysian families, caring for ageing parents is regarded as both a responsibility and an expression of filial piety, particularly for unmarried children. However, when the responsibility falls disproportionately on a single child, the financial and emotional burden can become overwhelming.
While many children willingly take on the responsibility of caring for their parents, there is a fine line between devotion and self-sacrifice that can be difficult to ignore.
A young woman recently shared her dilemma about caring for her mother and covering most of her expenses as the only unmarried daughter in the family.
“I’ve always believed that taking care of my mother is the right thing to do. So, all these years, I’ve rarely kept track of how much I’ve given or sacrificed. But recently, I’ve started to feel like I can’t keep going at the same pace,” she said in an anonymous submission to the Facebook page XUAN.
She also claimed that her mother has been asking her to take her on more trips while she is still healthy enough to travel. Although they have already visited several countries together, the woman admitted she feels she is stretching herself too thin and wants to turn down her mother’s requests.
However, she is afraid to say no because she worries it would make her appear to be an unfilial daughter. Over time, the situation has left her feeling increasingly conflicted.
“Why does being unmarried automatically mean I’m expected to shoulder more? Why is it that, despite everything I’ve done, it still never feels like it’s enough?” she wrote.
Although the woman believes her mother is simply seeking companionship, she also wants to live her own life and recognises that there are limits to how much she can give.
“I’m just beginning to realise that being a devoted daughter and giving endlessly are not the same thing. I get tired too, and I want to leave some room in my life for myself.
“Even now, I still don’t know how to find the right balance. On one side is my mother; on the other is myself,” she wrote.
Her story struck a chord with many, sparking discussion about the expectations often placed on unmarried children to care for their ageing parents, as well as the unequal distribution of caregiving responsibilities among siblings.
Many netizens agreed that while caring for one’s parents is important, it should not come at the expense of one’s own well-being. They urged families to balance filial responsibility with personal boundaries to avoid emotional and financial burnout.
